All I really Want
by StoicStella
Summary: Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway? [AU][SessKag] Another Stella original [or rather hopeless attempt at originality] Please read it, and review. [Complete]
1. All I Really Want

All I Really Want **Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **Email:** **Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes:** This is not a song fic. but I will have lyrics at the beginning of most (if not all) chapters. I don't know why, but I somehow felt this to be the way to go. In other news: This is obviously an AU (or rather soon it should become obvious). Forewarning: Everyone is human. Also this story has been explicitly planned, yes it is definitely Sess/kag so bear with me. Suggestions are still, of course, welcome. I would never turn away reviews.  
""Spoken  
''thought  
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Alanis Morisette.

* * *

**"All I Really Want"**  
_"...And all I really want is some patience  
A way to calm the angry voice  
And all I really want is deliverance.  
...What I wouldn't give to find a soul mate  
Someone else to catch this drift  
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred  
...All I really want is some peace man  
a place to find a common ground  
And all I really want is a wavelength  
All I really want is some comfort  
A way to get my hands untied  
And all I really want is some justice..."  
_

* * *

**Chapter 1:**_ All I Really Want_

"1153 Pine Grove" Kagome mouthed as she scrawled the words into the box on the form. She had only been living at her current address for a little over two months so remembering it was still a little tricky. More so, since she had lived at her previous address for so long. Her whole life in fact.

Kagome had spent her formidable years, living at her Grandfathers shrine in Tokyo. Her father had died before she was born and her mother had needed the financial support. But that all changed less than a year ago when her mother had begun to date Matsushita Naraku.

He was some kind of doctor, Kagome wasn't even sure what kind, he was a really secretive guy. But the "important" thing was that her mama could finally afford to settle down in a house of her own with her husband, and daughter. Kagome could not remember her mother being so happy.

'I wish I felt the same' She sighed inaudibly as she slid the slip of paper across the desk to where the secretary ignored it for several seconds, not looking up from her computer. When she finally did address it, it was with a simple nod and Kagome having long since been lost in thought and already beginning to walk away allowed her passive dismissal to go unnoticed.

Inuyasha, her "tour guide" was waiting for her outside the office door leaning impatiently against the wall, with his arms crossed angrily on his chest. She smiled slightly. She had only met Inuyasha a couple of months ago when her mother and she were moving in that summer, but already she felt she knew him. He was very rude, and at times a downright jackass, but underneath all that he could be a pretty nice guy, and Kagome enjoyed spending time with him. He lived right down the street in a beautiful house, (not quite as beautiful as Matsushita's, but beautiful nonetheless) and he had helped her move her things into her new home, complaining all the while.

"Kami! It took you long enough to fill out those forms!" he griped as she followed him down the hall with a little laugh.

"I know, Look..." she said grabbing a lock of his long disheveled hair in her hand "Your hair is turning white."

"ha ha ha." he replied dryly, rolling his eyes and pulling his hair from her grasp. "And your clothes are going out of style." he smirked as she huffed and they walked on for several more seconds in silence.

"Here." he practically grunted. "This is your class. I'll see you after... we can eat lunch together." Kagome's pout gave way to grin, as he added the last part. She was really glad she had met him. She had never been to such a big or expensive type school before, and it would probably be awfully lonely and intimidating if it wasn't for him.

'Even if he is an ass.' She thought as she grinned a little bigger still. He rolled his eyes not knowing what was going on in her mind but guessing it was probably best not to, so without making further comment he then turned and made his way to class leaving her to her own.

The day ran pretty smoothly. Once Inuyasha had shown her the different sections of buildings on campus and where everything was she was pretty sure she could keep it straight. Her Teachers seemed nice, the students didn't seem to notice she was new and single her out or anything like that. As a matter of fact, once she found all her classes her day was pretty uneventful

After her final dismissal, Kagome had decided to wait on the steps of the school for Inuyasha so they could walk home together. They had not discussed this but they were going the same way and she liked his company. When he came out and caught site of her waiting, eyes trained on her shoes, He smiled a little.

"Get lost?" he asked sarcastically as her gray blue eyes alighted gleefully on his gold. She scoffed and the little part of her face that seemed delighted to see him transformed into a slight glare. But she still matched his stride as he left the steps and turned left toward their street.

They kept up their tradition of only speaking when they were nit picking at one another (which was actually quite fun for the both of them), and they reached Inuyasha's house in what seemed like no time. Kagome's face dropped a little as she looked down the street toward the Masushita residence... her house. She would much rather be coming home here.

Inuyasha was looking at her intently as she eyed her own house distractedly. There were some things the two just didn't talk about although her tension was apparent so he invited her in (not they he wouldn't have anyway).

Kagome's grin returned, full force, and she spent the rest of her afternoon watching bad action movies and eating popcorn with her companion.

* * *

_3 months later_

'Kikyou' Kagome thought to herself, as she examined her reflection in the vanity mirror she was sitting in front of. Kikyou was a year older than she. She had blue eyes 'but their brighter then my eyes.' she had black hair. 'but a shiner silkier black' In fact the similarities were so many between them. 'that it's amazing Inuyasha stomached hanging around her cheap imitation for so long.'

Kikyou was Inuyasha's girlfriend. Two months before Kagome had come to live here, she had been in a really horrible car crash. No one thought she would survive. But she lay in her hospital bed clinging to her life, sleeping in apparent peace. Long ago she had been weaned off life support and she was breathing and functioning on her own... but she refused to wake.

Kagome had first found out about her about a month after school started. Whispers in the hall about the girl hanging around with Inuyasha, and isn't it sad he thought he could replace Kikyou. Apparently everyone loved Kikyou so much.

Inuyasha never wanted to talk about her, and Kagome respected that. There were certainly things going on in her life she would never tell to Inuyasha.

'or anyone for that matter.' her hand went to instinctively to the bruise on her forearm as that thought came unbidden to her head.

The problem was Kagome wasn't really romantically interested in Inuyasha; she thought of him kind of like a brother actually. But rumors about them spread far and wide, and it was all because Kagome resembled Kikyou.

'And it just keeps getting more complicated' Kagome thought as she stood and turned her back on the vanity mirror no longer wanting to compare herself to the other girl. The news had come last week, that Kikyou's condition was improving, the day before last, she woke up.

Things instantly got weird between Inuyasha and Kagome. She understood he wanted to devote his time to his girlfriend who had been in a coma for the past 5 months, but it was more than that. He didn't talk to her when he was home from the hospital. He hadn't walked her to school in a week. He stopped taking her phone calls. Kagome sighed, as she crossed her room and looked out her window at the blanket of snow on the ground.

'So much for friendship.'

There she was at the window, her face reflected palely against the glass that otherwise showed only white flakes against dark night. She was wearing that short skirt: her school uniform. It cut off just short of heaven. He licked his lips imagining the way the soft skin of her thighs would feel upon his fingertips.

The young girls body shifted in the way she was leaning against the wall, and he swallowed hard. She was a bratty little girl, who didn't know who was in charge, but he'd show her before the night was out.

She heard him approaching her and turned scared eyes upon him. Like a deer in the headlights, he could see her going over the list of things she had done wrong. It must have been a long list, from how long the action lasted, he'd have to punish her extra hard then.

"Fa..father" she faltered as she attempted to take a step back even though she was already against the wall. His lips twisted sadistically. 'I think I'm going to enjoy this.'

* * *

Her lungs hurt. Not just from crying, or running, or the cold. Although any one was enough with out combining all three, and she thought her chest might explode. Kagome panted heavily with her hand clasped tightly over her heart, willing it silently not to burst out of her chest. 

When she finally abandoned clutching her chest it was to peal the frozen streak marks of tears from her face, and try to (without luck) wipe away any trace of their existence before she rang the bell at Inuyasha's house. There were just things they didn't talk about, and what had just happened... 'no almost happened' Kagome reminded herself 'things could have been a lot worse.'

She watched her shaking hand lightly press the bell wondering detachedly how much of her was shaking from the cold and how much...

the door opened abruptly. Which was the way Inuyasha usually did open the door, except this time, it wasn't Inuyasha on the other side. This man was to Inuyasha what Kikyou was to Kagome. The same, but better. Similar but more. He was what Inuyasha would look like if he were an angel, or a god.

Kagome gasped despite herself. She knew that Inuyasha had a half brother who was away at college. She was even vaguely aware of Inuyasha mentioning that he would be visiting over Christmas break. But obviously at the moment she wasn't thinking very straight, and he was the last person she had expected to see. Not that she knew what he looked like before this moment. Actually what he looked like at this moment was slightly annoyed but otherwise disinterested. That's why Kagome realized she had been standing on his doorstep not speaking.

"Inuyasha... here?" she mumbled out, managing somehow to at least string together the two more important words of her sentence.

"No" He replied coldly and was about to slam the door when Kagome's hand shot out instinctively to stop it's progress.

"Wait!" She cried out finding her voice. as the words 'I'm not going home' played through her head like some old song (you know, the one you forget most of the words to, so you just repeat the 4 or 5 you know throughout the entire melody).

One pencil thin eyebrow arched, in what could have been any emotion, he was very unreadable. And Kagome almost backed down and let him shut her out into the night. She probably would have if not for the twisted melody her mind was singing.

"Please." she pleaded "Let me wait for him."

At that Sesshoumaru eyed her for the sparest of seconds then released the door and allowed her to enter. "Suit yourself." was all he had to say before walking of in the direction of the foyer and abandoning her in the entrance hall completely.

The girl was sitting at the foot of the stairs watching the door with expectant eyes. She almost resembled a puppy dog whose master was away. He wondered what she expected from his brother... certainly not comfort. She had obviously been crying; the wait streaks from the tears stood out like signposts against the bright red of her frozen face. As a matter of fact her entire appearance was disheveled, as if she had just suffered the most gut wrenching experience of her known life, and then came running to Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru shook his head idly as he walked into the room.

Her head shot up as he approached her gray blue eyes suddenly wide with fear. She swallowed then trying to calm her exterior but the fear still lay there in her eyes, on some level.

He held her gaze until the fear started to melt away a little, but part of it stayed there, on some deep untouchable level. And it almost seemed reasonable that maybe she was always a little scared. Maybe she had reason to be. he released her eyes from his scrutiny, and she quickly looked away, suddenly finding interest in a spot on her school uniform. that's when he noticed how little she was wearing. She was probably freezing. Which would explain why she was shivering, and nervously tapping her feet. He almost offered her something warmer to wear but changed his mind, he turned and was about to leave the room again, when she spoke.

"Where is Inuyasha, anyway." Kagome decided to ask. She had been in the entrance hall for what seemed like her entire life although it was really only about 15 minutes or so, but if you asked her that was more than long enough.

The beautiful man she had posed the question to, turned his head behind his retreating form as he paused to reply.

"He is visiting his girlfriend."

"Kikyou..." Kagome said with a sigh. Why should should she have thought he would be anywhere else? She had not noticed but her "host" had turned again and was considering her.

"You look like her...She's prettier though." He stabbed her in the heart.

"Ya," Kagome agreed "and smarter, and kinder, and more virtuous and pure..."

'Kikyou would never let a man touch her like that.' Kagome's stomach turned, and she stared at her feet, willing herself not to puke.

"Probably..." Stated Sesshoumaru coolly as he began to approach her again. "So if Inuyasha was dating you on the side, you can probably forget him now that she is awake, and devote your time elsewhere." He twisted the blade.

"I am not interested in Inuyasha in that capacity." Kagome replied to her feet as she watched her shoe soak up the single tear she let escape.

"Oh really?" he ridiculed getting entirely to close to her, and making her cheeks begin to burn red. She refused to raise her eyes to his, as he leaned his arm against the wall to her right and hovered over her seated form.

"Yes really." she added with a tinge of annoyance in her voice.

"How about me? Interested in me in 'that capacity'" he mocked. She swallowed hard but did not move. And found he was suddenly leaning low over her, his lips near her ear. "If your not I wouldn't mind... I only need your presence not your interest."

Her stomach lurched and she stood suddenly, almost knocking the man off his feet. She probably would have had his hand not been on the wall.

When she was in the bathroom with the door locked she released the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl and cried bitter tears. She should have known it was written on her face.

'Everyone can see I'm a slut...Daddy's little whore...' Her body shook with tears she should have cried hours ago, but suppressed. She wanted to die, or just curl up and disappear... instead she hugged the toilet bowl and puked, then curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor and cried.

He hadn't meant it. He certainly didn't expect her to run off into the bathroom and wretch. He had expected anger, maybe even a slap thrown his way. But not nauseous to the point of puking.

'Christ, maybe something was the matter with her.'

That would be classic, harassing a girl with emotional problems. He shook his head slightly as he eyed the bathroom door. She had ceased to vomit but he could still hear her choked sobs on the other side. It'd probably be best to just leave her alone, but...

Whatever reasoning for breaking down the door to the bathroom he'd been trying to think up he let leave his thoughts with the ringing of the phone. Sauntering away he pushed the fragile girl to the back of his mind and put the receiver to his ear.

"Yamamoto" sounded his disinterested voice.

"oi, inukkoro, dad says the roads are bad so we're staying here for the night -- think you can handle the house for yourself?" His brother was certainly being cheeky... in which case it suddenly slipped Sesshoumaru's mind to tell him about his visitor.

"I think I'll manage." Sesshoumaru replied and then promptly hung up.

Speaking of the girl he suddenly remembered where she was and why. 'There goes that twinge of guilt... I should get my head checked.' he thought to himself as he pressed his back against the bathroom door and slid along it 'til he was sitting on the floor.

Sesshoumaru, pressed the side of his face to the wood, letting his lips come close to touching it as well.

"Hey..." he spoke gently, letting the slightest bit of concern enter his voice. She stopped crying for a second so she could hear him.

"I didn't mean it... I'm..."

"An asshole?" came a much less muffled voice. She was probably laying on the floor speaking thorough the crack at the bottom of the door. He bit back a grin.

"Yes, something like that."

"well don't loose sleep over it. I'm not feeling real emotionally stable right now." she sighed, obviously continuing the sentence in her head... he found himself wondering what more she had to add.

"Well I have to tell you, your the first girl who ever threw up at the offer of sleeping with me, so I might just loose sleep over it." he said, making sure the humor was apparent in his voice. he no longer wished to offend her. And when he heard her chuckle, (albeit morosely but still...), he smiled.

"Come on out of there..." he added in a soft commanding voice. moving his back ever so slightly so he was leaning on the frame and not the door. When he heard the door knob turning he smiled again.

Kagome crawled out of the bathroom and sat down next to the older prettier version of Inuyasha, looking up into his auburn eyes and trying to read him. She noticeably jumped when his hand touched her face. He had reached a hand out to wipe away her tears without looking away from her eyes. She blinked the last remnants of a tears from them at that point, and focused her attentions on him.

"Should I call you Yamamoto-sama or do you have a name?" she asked in an almost whisper. They were sitting very close to one another and besides that her voice hurt.

he smirked slightly "Sesshoumaru." then nodded a little for her to respond in kind.

"Kagome" she added, and then both were silent for a while studying each other.

"Are you okay, Kagome?" he asked after several long minutes of silence.

"I hope so" She responded in her quietest voice imaginable, all the while nibbling her bottom lip and avoiding his gaze.


	2. Concrete Angel

**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:** **Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes: **Yes, Stella has yet another story with footnotes in it. They are marked per number and set at the bottom of the page in order of appearance in the story (as is customary.) be sure to observe them.  
-I changed my song lyrics at the last minute upon deciding the one's I already had would work much better for my next chapter. Hope these suit the purpose, it's really hard to say.  
"" Spoken  
'' thought  
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Martina Mcbride.

* * *

**Concrete Angel**  
_"Somebody cries in the middle of the night  
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights  
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate  
When morning comes it'll be too late  
Through the wind and the rain  
She stands hard as a stone  
In a world that she can't rise above  
But her dreams give her wings  
And she flies to a place where she's loved"_

* * *

**Chapter 2:**_ Concrete Angel_

When she left the Yamamoto residence the next day bundled against the cold in one of Sesshoumaru's old sweatshirts, she found herself wishing she had met him under different circumstances. But then again, he had only started to be nice to her when she had thrown up, so maybe these were the best circumstances to meet him in. But at this time in her life she couldn't spare much thought to romance. All her spare thoughts were busy. So instead she walked home and willed herself to forget his warm shoulder, on which she had cried, or the sad attempt at a dinner he had warmed them, or even his surprisingly soft hands that wiped away her tears. She pushed these thoughts out of her mind, with a surprisingly small amount of effort. But this might have been due to the fact the entire contents of her bedroom was spread out on the front lawn.

A wave of panic took her over as stupid thoughts that had no business getting involved came into her head. She should have been angry maybe even indignant... but she was simply embarrassed worried to the point of a burning blush as to what the neighbors must be thinking. Worried they'd all know.

Where she was cold before she was numb now. Her arms burning and tingling from the effort of moving her bedroom furniture on her own. A fine sweat dripping from her fevered brow as she scooped up stacks of clothes and books, and rushed them into the house, up the stairs, down the hall to her room.

Her window was smashed. Probably with the force of furniture crashing through it. Most likely her bed side table which used to sit directly in front of that window, but for the time being was sitting in pieces in the corner. There was a layer of glass and snow on everything, and she was certain she would never clean it all up, although she felt a desperate need to have it done before Naraku came back.

The entire afternoon was gone to the efforts, and things were mostly back to the way they should be. She couldn't repair the window, or the broken dresser and vanity and bed. But her things were back where they belonged for the most part anyway. And somewhere along the way any thought of Sesshoumaru was driven from her mind.

* * *

Kagome ran one delicate finger over the relatively new glass, that had only recently been installed into her bedroom window, as she looked out at the cool January day, all the while trying to will away the image of her broken bedroom furniture, that always seemed to superimpose itself out there in the snow covered courtyard. Things had been almost too quite recently. 

She had been trying to wipe away from her mind, the nervous fear that she had felt building inside of her since that night, and it seemed a losing battle. Matsushita had been calm and her mother had not even asked what had happened with the window. The days rolled by like water down stream, through a Christmas party for her stepfathers work, and a small family vacation. Everyone seemed happy especially her mother. So Kagome desperately wanted the feeling in her stomach to be her imagination.

She had done wrong. Of that much she was certain. That was why those things happened to her. She angered him, and he punished her. And the other stuff... the stuff that made her stomach crawl... well she must be imagining that. Because after all he was her father now, and fathers don't act like that to their daughters... not in real life.

There she was again standing at the window looking out it idly and accomplishing nothing. The story was getting old. He went to work all day only to come home and find his "daughter" lazing about and wasting time. She really needed to be taught a lesson. He really needed to show her.

"Kagome" he let her name fall off his tongue, in an even commanding voice. Letting her know that she was about to be punished. Her eyes turned to his like a dear in a headlight. That's the way he liked her best when she appeared all fearful and innocent but she was a tricky little wench because he knew she was far from innocent so she would still be getting what was coming to her no matter what look she gave him.

He could hear her stuttering, but seeing as how he wasn't interested in her words, he paid them little mind and moved toward her as she again stepped back cornering herself to the wall. They had been here, in this very position, more than once but not often enough for his liking. Her hands before she could struggle too much were trapped in one of his own, crossed at the wrist and pinned to the wall over her head. Tears were streaming down her face, and her lips were moving in some plea that he could not hear from his own pulse pounding in his head. She struggled. Pushing with her hands and pleading with her voice but doing little else, she could have used her feet, but didn't; She knew better. His face took on a wicked grin, as he leaned forward allowing his tongue to streak across her left cheek and remove a stream of her tears. She turned away in what he could only perceive as disgust. At that he struck her, hard, causing her head to slam full force into the wall, with a resounding thud. For a second her eyes went wide with an absolute shock, then fluttered shut, as her body slid down the wall, dangling loosely from the grip he had on her wrists. And the room fell silent except for Naraku's beating heart, and Kagome's extremely shallow breaths.

Her head ached as she opened her eyes and for several seconds she wondered where she was and what she was doing there. That is until she saw his face leering over her own. Then it all flooded back... full force to her mind. The pain of his grip on her wrist, the stench of his breath on her face, the look in his dark eyes when he leaned in close to her body, as if he wanted to devour her. Kagome began to cry again.

She wanted to disappear inside her own body, to let the pain she was feeling engulf her. She wanted to be anywhere but where she was. Sprawled on her bedroom floor arms pinned to her side as her stepfather straddled her lifeless frame and was currently unbuttoning her top.

Her tears were so hot she was afraid they would burn down the bedroom, if allowed to touch the floor. Her face was already burning up and she willed the heat it to go to the rest of her body so she might turn to ashes and disappear. But unfortunately she had no such luck.

Without thinking she had pulled her arms free where he had them trapped between his and her own thighs, using them for leverage she pushed her body upward and shoved him off, than planted a good clean kick to his chest, with both her feet shoving him away as hard as she could.

lying in a broken bloody mass on the floor several minutes later she almost wished she hadn't. Almost. It was enough though that he had left. He had beaten her until she couldn't move, but she thanked god... because he left.

* * *

He couldn't stop thinking about her. It was stupid, and he knew it. She was this little slip of a 15 year old girl, and he was a sophomore in college. It was inappropriate at best, and it bordered on illegal**(1)**, but still... he couldn't get the feel of her head leaning on his shoulder out of his mind. He could still smell the lilac of her hair, the smooth skin of her face on the tips of his fingers. He just couldn't understand what this girl had that could make his heart skip a beat... 

'Kagome' his mind whispered as he drove down the highway 'Kagome' it haunted him like a bad dream the way her voice had gone so soft and innocent, as she shyly said her name. It made him want to find the reason she was crying and rip it to shreds... screw rationale.

Sesshoumaru tried to shrug the feeling off as he pulled into the parking lot at his dorm, but her tear soaked face continued to haunt him for the rest of the day. 'Why was she crying?' his mind begged to know, but he couldn't think of any answers and he was starting to lose concentration on his work so he forcefully pushed her to the back of his mind and willed her to stay there.

* * *

Kagome woke in a puddle on the floor. Her body was a mass of bruises and she was sure one of her ribs was broken, as she tried to sit up and felt the most intense pain she had ever felt in her entire life. She crawled away from the spot on the carpet where the blood from her nose was congealing and drying in a sticky mass, and thanked god it was navy and not some lighter color. (why did her thoughts always come to that?)**(2)**

When she pulled herself into the bathtub, and started a cold shower the pain began to numb after several seconds, and soon the water was running clear down the drain no longer tainted with the pink tinge of her blood. She sighed slightly and sat there washing away the hot fear, for several minutes before she even tried to crawl out of the basin and make her way to clean clothes, and warmth. The thought of warmth at the moment was making her slightly ill, so she lingered longer than need be in the mind and body numbing cold.

When she pulled herself from the tub and wrapped herself in a towel, her mind was elsewhere, lost to the real world. So she stopped and held her breath when she looked down and saw she was scrubbing the spot on the floor with carpet cleaner and an old, now rust colored rag, that she couldn't even remember going to get. She had to leave, she thought as she scrubbed the spot 'til her hands were raw, she couldn't wait another second, she couldn't think another thought... she had to run away.

After bundling her body against the cold in her warmest clothes Kagome sat down at her vanity and started to cover the newly forming bruises. She swallowed twice, as her face began to look less deathly pale and more human. Color, though artificial came back into her pallid cheeks. Life, although artificial came into her skin tone, but the new found life did not reach her eyes. She was somewhere else inside her head for the moment. She wasn't thinking properly, she was hardly thinking at all.

This was the thought that occurred to her as she stood in a foot of snow outside her house after she had successfully snuck out. 'Good going Kagome. Way to freeze to death! Now where are we going?' It was a valid question. Although before she was wandering down the cold January street, the thought of turning around the only fuel pushing her feet forward, she had not even considered the question. Where could she go? Who could she trust? The thought of Ji'chan had slowly crossed her mind. But it would be too long and fruitless of a trip. he'd want her to explain, and when she couldn't he'd send her home. She couldn't go where her mother might find her. If she left she didn't want to be coming back in a hurry. Inuyasha danced lightly across the surface of her brain... but no. He had not spoken to her in over a month and he was more than likely not home. Plus it was so close, and there was all that unwanted explaining. But where could she possibly go where she wouldn't have to explain herself.

She laughed cynically as the words to the cheers theme song started playing in her head.**(3)** And a bitter tear rolled almost unnoticed down her cheek, as she absentmindedly reached to wipe it away she silently chided herself at the makeup she got on Sesshoumaru's sweatshirt. And then it clicked.

"Sesshoumaru..." she whispered to herself. 'Why not' she decided 'I hope he likes, late night surprise visitors.'

* * *

He had been brushing his hair. True it wasn't a very manly activity, but he had a lot of hair and it took a certain degree of care to keep it looking well kept. And he would never allow himself to appear unkempt. 

Golden eyes turned warily toward the door on the other side of his dorm room: Someone was knocking. He cast the hair brush forgotten into the corner as he made his way unceremoniously to the door, ready to give the twerp that dared disturb him a piece of his mind. He pulled the door back roughly, knocking the occupant on it's other side a little off balance as she had probably not expected the brashness. But when his eyes focused on her face his breath caught.

"Sesshoumaru?" she whispered softly one trembling hand still resting in mid air as if on the door he had wrenched open and out of her reach. She looked like death warmed over, but only slightly warmed over, because she looked freezing. She was soaking wet and he ascertained she had probably fallen in the snow outside more than once. He could tell she had been crying from the mascara marks on her soaking face, and at a glance he could see that she had a newly forming bruise on her face. But it all took place at a glance.

"Kagome" he said by way of response to her query. And at that she took two steps forward nodding numbly. Before he knew it he had her wrapped in his embrace, the two leaning against the now closed door as she cried into his chest. Neither spoke for several minutes. The silence was nipping at the corners of the room, only broken by Kagome's occasional sob.

"What happened." he asked in an even smooth tone. Not letting his building concern enter his voice. More sobs came from the girl with her face buried in his chest, and nothing more. He wanted to press her further, but he noticed she seemed to be fading in and out of consciousness, from the emotional distress, so he lifted her and placed her on his bed, allowing her to sleep while he watched over her.

It had only been about 20 minutes but he was already becoming concerned by the way she shivered and whimpered in her fevered sleep. She was probably freezing in the soaking sweatshirt, that he recognized as his own.

"Kagome" he called softly, she winced in response.

"Kagome, you have to change. You're freezing." She nodded absently otherwise not moving an inch.

"Can you do it yourself?" he asked pulling her into a sitting position, although she continued to keep her eyes shut against the light in the room. She shook her head mutely.

"Do you want me to help?" he pressed, pulling a strand of wet hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She shook her head even more fiercely.

"Then what DO you want." he questioned a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"To disappear." she whispered, then she coughed and curled into him.

As if struck by sudden inspiration he reached over the side of his bed frame and flicked off the light. When his eyes adjusted to the change, they met her own which she had now allowed to open. He looked at her softly although the change in his facial expression was probably too minuscule to make out in this lighting.

"I'll close my eyes." he offered. "And only help, where you need it." She smiled softly then nodded. It was a very ridiculous, and (had you been an observer and not one of the two) rather humorous event. But when all was said and done, she was out of the cold, wet clothes and dressed in a pair of Sesshoumaru's boxer shorts and one of his oversized T-shirts. With the light already off, almost immediately after the change she curled into his body for warmth and protection and again fell asleep.

It would be morning before Sesshoumaru registered the extent of her injuries. Such was Kagome's blessing that he had turned out the light, and such was her comfort that allowed her to sleep.

She woke her head swimming with fragments of the previous evenings events. Her night had been littered with rouge images of dark haired men with feral grins, the smell of his breath, the cold depth in his eyes. She shuttered slightly, noticing suddenly how heavily she was leaning on Sesshoumaru, as he ran his hand comfortingly through her hair when she shook.

Kagome sat up, letting her eyes land on the face of the man whom she had clung to whilst she slept. It appeared as impassive as ever, but his embrace had not proven false, he had never strayed his hands, and never left her side the entire night. She glanced at the clock which read 10 after 12, it suddenly registering in her mind that it was a Wednesday.

"I'm sorry!" She exclaimed "I probably made you miss class, huh?"

"You can not make me do anything" he responded coolly "but yes I chose to stay here until I was sure you were all right." She smiled.

Sesshoumaru was a lot more understanding than Inuyasha had ever given him credit for. He was not judging her, nor turning her away, and although he seemed cold, he obviously cared. She inched toward him again, now that they were both sitting up, but before she could lean her head into his chest, he had caught her chin in his hand.

"What happened?" he asked, while his eyes spun with unreadable emotions she took on face value and assumed to be pity. She was choking on memories which she had no desire to relive. Plus she'd die if he knew. God kill her, if Sesshoumaru knew the way Naraku had touched her. She'd rather die.

"Please" she choked out. "Not now; ask me anything else but that, now." He eyed her suspiciously and she was terrified he wouldn't comply, frightened beyond her worst fears that he wouldn't understand, that he would demand her story. She wouldn't have been able to handle it if he had. So thankfully he hadn't.

"Fine." he spoke softly, cradling her suddenly. "We will discuss that later." she let out a long sigh of relief as she cuddled into his arms. Her mind mentally whispered his name 'Sesshoumaru' It didn't matter how little she really knew about him, all that mattered was that she knew he wouldn't hurt her and for now she was safe.

* * *

**Footnotes **

**(1)**This statement is rather ambiguous due to the difference in laws. In all actuality Age of consent for Sexual activity in Japan is 13 years, but in America it is usually around 16 but can be anywhere from 14-18 years of age (depending on what state you live in), also there are a plethora of confusing additions addressing age difference. In Japan however it is clear that if a person over the age of 13 has sex with a person under the age of 13 even with that second person's consent the act is considered rape and shall be punished with imprisonment at forced labor for a limited term of not less than two years, according to the law. So really it doesn't border on illegal in Japan, where it would in The US. Even so, I am going to allow him to think along these lines anyway, because the age difference is enough to make him nervous in my opinion.

**(2)** This is probably pretty evident... but I don't know I mentioned it more then once so I thought I would clarify it's significance. Kagome is in a kind of weird place mentally right now. As is common with victims of abuse she feels extremely humiliated and shamed, and guilty. She is extremely worried that everyone "knows" which means, that everyone thinks what she fears is true: That she not only deserves but wants the abuse she is receiving. It is kind of twisted, and I don't know if you caught on to my subtle hints of the toll this is having on her mind. but there it is. (can't say I never gave ya' nothing.)

**(3)** You know? ... "Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name." Don't even ask me why I know that, or why I referred to this knowledge. I can't help where my mind wanders when I am writing... and where my mind wanders... so wanders Kagome's...


	3. What's the point

**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:** **Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes:** --I couldn't help myslef and as you can see updated again. I hope it's up to the usual standards of this story, despite it's rapid fire nature.  
-- In other news, before I forget (Again) I'd like to thank Deadly Tears; I was reading one of her stories when I got the idea to write this one... it was totally unrelated, but I can't really account for my brain. Anyway, everyone thank Deadly Tears for stimulating my usually non-responsive brain.  
-- Also I did a little reader response... It's at the end of this chapter.  
--And of course some more footnotes were in order, but you know the drill.  
"" Spoken  
'' thought  
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to the goo goo dolls.

* * *

**Acoustic #3**  
_"Your voice is small and fading  
and you hide in here unknown  
and your mother loves your father  
cause she's got nowhere to go  
and she wonders where these dreams go  
cause the world got in her way  
what's the point in ever trying  
nothing's changing anyway"_

* * *

**Chapter 3:**_ What's the point?_

So here he was, 'Oh how the mighty hath fallen', sitting in a partially reclined postion with his feet on the bed and his back on the headboard, holding the nearly sleeping girl, who was covered from head to foot in bruises. Here he was, trying his best to be tender. Which before now had gone against everything that was in his nature, but right now his better judgment, (on which he usually prided himself), told his instincts to 'go jump in a lake'. The girl looked at him through half lidded eyes that seemed almost dead to the world and he wondered if maybe she had received a concussion or something of the like, it seemed as though she hadn't been awake for even half the time she'd been here.

She mumbled and looked up from his cradled arms with bleary blood shot eyes, and for a second his heart stopped. Anyone who could destroy something this beautiful and innocent was truly a monster. I mean sure he, had left guys in worse shape than this, sent his share of creeps in fist fights to the hospital, broken Inuyasha's arm, but it wasn't the same as causing the pain that was lingering behind her eyes. He couldn't understand someone wanting to do that.

She blinked several times under his intense stare before her cracked and dry lips turned up in a slight grin. "Sesshoumaru..." she whispered slowly, as if there was a purpose that she needed desperately to serve, only no other sound followed the inquiry. and after several moments of silence he realized she had nothing else to say.

He sat them both up fully before he proceeded to lean her gently against his pillows and then stood. He saw her eyes following him as he bustled about, but at first she did not question his actions. It was when he was just grabbing his keys off the ring by the door that she spoke again, her voice suddenly tense.

"Are you leaving?" she sat up suddenly, obviously too suddenly because she put her hands to her temple and shut her eyes tight most likely against the dizziness.

"No," his voice was cool, calm, impassive "We're leaving. You need to see a doctor." his manner was direct, blunt, but as far as he was concerned this was obvious. She could be suffering from a myriad of medical problems that he couldn't even begin to diagnose, and he certainly was not going to allow her to sit there on his bed and die of internal bleeding that was for damn sure.

"No!" Her eyes shot open in panic as she jumped to a standing position and almost immediately lost her footing, falling to her knees. He had seen it about to happen and even taken several swift steps in her direction but not quickly enough to catch her before she fell, resulting in him simply looming over her crouching body. But she didn't seem to mind the fall, grabbing onto his pant leg and looking up into his face, she seemed so desperately small and fragile.

"Please, let me stay here. Don't send me away." She whimpered in a soft voice.

"You're delirious" he stated calmly, but reached his hand down toward her anyway to help her stand. She took it, and pulled herself up 'til her eyes were at chest rather than shin level, and again looked up at him with those pleading gray blue eyes.

"fine... It's your funeral" He decided and she closed her eyes partially with a sigh, to which he almost couldn't resist the desire to smile a little; The look of contentment on her face gave him pause. 'She really was a crazy girl.'

* * *

Healing was an art and to be done properly it took time, of course Kagome had that, as long as she remained with Sesshoumaru at least. Her stepfather had beaten her worse than he had ever done before, but the wounds really were only superficial, and most were considerably quick to heal. At first She had worried about broken ribs, but was glad to find that they had most likely only been bruised. Then she worried of her nose, as it had bled so profusely that night, but found it had not been broken either. She was thankful for the little things like that, because you can't hide a broken nose, even when it heals everyone knows it was broken... 

'and they want to know why it was broken.' Kagome swallowed back that thought, and waved it away, as she craned her neck a little to see the back of her left leg. She was searching her skin for any remaining bruises which she had been rubbing some vitamin K cream**(1)** on, all because she read in some magazine article this helped them heal faster. She didn't know if it was true, but ever since then she had been doing it.

All and all she almost looked normal again, she decided, as her eyes glanced over the naked figure, looking up intently at her from the bathroom mirror, which she had been standing in front of after having finished her shower**(2)**. It was midmorning which meant Sesshoumaru, would be in between classes, and come back to the dorm as he usually did, and she liked to have finished dealing with all this stuff before she saw him.

'At first things had been quite difficult between us, to say the least' she was running her fingers along the smooth skin of her forearm as she thought, elating goose bumps on the fading bruise there. 'But things are better now.' she smiled slightly as she slipped on yet another of his T-shirts. She was probably really cutting into his laundry cycle, which she had no doubt he had. The man had a schedule for everything.

The first week she was there, she was almost entranced by it. He would get up at the exact same time every morning and go to sleep at the exact same time every night. He liked order, and precision, and she was throwing a wrench in the whole perfectly honed machine he called 'his life'. She smirked, but it quickly morphed into a frown as she pulled on the boxer shorts and wondered how much of a fool he probably thought she was.

It had been during the first week, during that time when she was really attempting to stay out of his way but even so she had somehow managed to screw things up and anger him, when he approached her, her thoughts had gone to home; she thought he would hit her, it was instinctive that she covered her face, but the look he gave her afterward was absolutly imperceptible, he didn't say anything else, the argument was soon forgotten, but...

"Idiot!" she said to the embarrassed blue eyes that sparkled back sadly to their truer counterpart from the mirror. She shook her head "fool"

When he opened the door to his room she was right where he expected her to be. Standing there in his underclothes, half out the bathroom door, steam bearing the smell of his shampoo wafting around her. This had become part of his schedule, and he would never admit how much he enjoyed it.

She smiled. That innocent one, she did that just turned up the very corners of her lips. He loved that one, it really complemented her, but it also reminded him she was still a child, and she had no business here.

"What" she asked playfully sensing the sigh that was begging to come out of his, tightly pressed lips. "Tough day at the office dear." and her grin spread into her more devious one, at which he just shook his head and let the previous thoughts go.

"I have offered you clothes... why do you insist on wearing my underwear." she smiled sheepishly as a pretty little blush took to her cheeks, and she proceeded to mumble something about money, all he clearly heard was "besides they're comfortable." to which he simply rolled his eyes and sat down on the corner of his bed intent on flipping on his television to watch the news, (as he always did).

There looking back at him was the usual young anchor woman for a second and then the scene cut away from her as she finished her introduction... Sesshoumaru was barely paying the TV any attention at all as he watched Kagome out of the corner of his eye. She sat down beside him, and he mentally chided himself for watching her instead of the news report, but didn't look away until apparant shock registered on her face and brought his attention round front again.

A woman who was similar in appearance to the girl sitting next to him and a man with long black curling trestles were standing in front of a house he recognized from his block, and assumed to be Kagome's. The woman had tears in her eyes, and the man looked cold and impassive, if not a bit angry.

"I just want my Kagome back" a picture of his companion flashed onto the screen as the news anchor's voice continued. "The parents of the girl have issued an award for her safe return and more information about that can be found on the stations web site" An address was flashing on the bottom of the screen as the Anchor woman turned to her co-anchor "...back to you Tom."

Sesshoumaru turned his golden orbs onto the stunned figure beside him, her mouth was open a little in silent shock. He suddenly found he could not control his words and they came unfiltered from his own mouth.

"What happened to you, Kagome?" He almost sounded exasperated even to himself, and he vaguely wondered why he should. As long as she was with him she was safe, if she didn't want to talk about it, what difference would it make? But he didn't like the situation, and he thought he had a right to know.

* * *

"Why would she run away?" his wife asked with tears in her eyes. He eyed her a moment before replying in his usual smooth, and calculating voice. 

"I think she is testing us. She wants to see how much you will allow her to get away with." She looked doubtful, but didn't argue.

"That's why when she come's home she needs to be punished." he punctuated, with an equal degree of calm, Again she looked at her husband with doubt, and then idly nodded.

"You know best... Naraku." she replied.

'That, I do' he thought 'that. I. do.'

* * *

It was cold. She cursed herself silently for not wearing more clothes, For not taking Sesshoumaru up on the offer three weeks ago, to get her proper attire. But she had been comfortable in the warm little room wearing the clothes that smelled of her protector, and reminded her she was safe. 

When she left his protection, however, and was out in the brisk February wind the clothes lost any symbolic meaning they had previously held. And only served to remind her how much flesh she was displaying to the cold. She sneered. It's not like this was her idea of a good time. Kagome had always hated the cold.

Things just were not going her way. First there was the news report, which meant she should have been hiding away in a hole somewhere, where no one could make out her face. And then there was Sesshoumaru who had insisted on her story, and left no room for a way out. Forcing her to do what she felt was all she could do. Run or risk being sent home... so she ran.

And here she was. No more Sesshoumaru. No more rigid routine. No more warm, safe, house. Just skimpy attire, and mind numbing cold. Her mind whisked her suddenly back to her twisted and battered form curled on the floor of the tub, the night she had left and she started to cry.

'If you aren't going home, where are you going? I remember being told Sesshoumaru, back there, was our last resort.' Her mind whispered cynically in her head. She silently begged the voice to stop but it continued unheeded 'Look what pride gets you, hun. All you had to do was tell him what happened. What's the matter...? Huh, Kagome? He already knows you deserve it...'

"shut up" she whispered

'Everyone knows you deserve it'

She stopped walking then, as she suddenly grabbed fistfuls of her own hair on either side of her face and began squeezing her eyes shut against the onslaught of tears; she had to block out the voice, she couldn't loose it, not now.

'... or are you afraid he'll find out how much you wanted it...'

"No" Kagome said a little louder, drawing strange looks from the people passing by

'How much you like it..'

"No!" Kagome screamed, dropping to her knees and sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't even notice the figure approaching or the hands of the security guard as he righted her to her feet and whisked her away from the campus. Her thoughts were deep within her head... fighting a loosing battle with herself.

* * *

There she was looking up at him with those scared eyes, like a rabbit in a trap, but this time she was completely still as she lay beneath, his straddled legs. 

"There's a good girl, Kagome" he whispered. "You really didn't think running away could solve anything... did you?" he was speaking softly to her, but he could already feel the rage boiling just below his skin. The thought that she would dare run away from him, was singly infuriating. She would feel his wrath for it; among other things.

He suddenly grinned coolly as he leaned in even closer and placed his lips almost upon her ear.

"you realize you have to be punished, don't you?" She nodded softly, tears coming to those sad gray eyes. His smile widened.

"Good... now keep being a good girl and everything will be fine." He whispered again his face right next to hers. Meanwhile his hands were reaching up her short skirt and slowly removing the panties she had underneath. When the police had delivered her to him she had been wearing some Man's clothing 'The little slut' and he had burned them. She was told to put this on right away. He was very fond of the "uniform".

She was softly crying again, but she made no move to stop him, or her "punishment" and he tossed the panties carelessly onto the floor, meanwhile the fingers of his other hand lingered on her inner thigh only moving when they went to his belt. He nimbly removed the leather strap reveling in the sound of it passing through the denim belt loops, and the way each whoosh made the girl between his knees cringe.

"You know running away is a very bad thing don't you" He asked as he pulled her arms up over her head and deftly bound her wrists together with the belt. She nodded bleakly again, bringing a little smile to his lips.

"And you know what bad little girls get... right?" she swallowed an incredible wave of tears began to flow silently down her face but she made no move to respond.

"Answer me." he warned in a scathing tone. "What do bad little girls get?"

"Punished..." she choked on the sob that followed and he almost laughed out loud. As he stood and picked up her limp body by the wrists he had bound.

"very good." he whispered dropping her without care onto the edge of her bed so that her legs were just sticking off at the knee, and he began to undo the button on his jeans.

She closed her eyes softly, her lips moving in some silent prayer, and he knew she was trying to go someplace else, but he wouldn't allow it. She was going to stay here for every moment of this.

"Open your eyes" he commanded as he stepped out of his jeans and stood before her submissive form in nothing but his boxers. The blue gray eyes popped open again, registering fear, and pain, and a plethora of other emotions just below the surface. At this he reached with gentle and manipulative hands between her thighs and spread her legs calmly, letting his nose linger pressed against her inner thigh until he could smell thar distinct smell of her arousal.**(3)** He smirked.

"Good Girl" Her body was now shaking with sobs but she remained posed where he left her, subservient as ever, she was being awfully good today. It must be the beating he had given her yesterday. He smiled to himself. 'Time to show her who's boss'

"Naraku?" It was his wife, quiet, questioning, just outside the door. "It's late. Are you coming to bed?"

"In a minute." he replied. Trying to keep his voice calm, trying to ride the wave of emotions back to a normal level, so she wouldn't sense any tension in his voice. "We talked about this. Kagome needs discipline."

"Well I know, but..." she faltered "Please come to bed. She'll still be here tomorrow. Punish her tomorrow. Give her a break tonight."

It was time to show the brat who was in charge. Now or never, cease the moment. But he needed his wife on his side. If she started to doubt his motives, then there would be a breech between them... she couldn't doubt him for this all to work. There could be no space between them.

"Fine" he whispered hoarsely. "I'll be in, in a minute." He heard her sigh, and then listened as her footsteps padded away.

"This is far from over." he whispered in her ear as he undid the belt on her wrist. "This is far, from over" he repeated as he put on his jeans, and unlocked the door leaving her to her tears of which he could still hear uncontrollable sobs once in the hallway, and even as he made his way to his bedroom.

* * *

Her mind hurt. Everything else was so numb, or thick like leather from beatings and cold showers, and expected pain. But her mind was still tender and exposed. and it hurt. 

A cough broke free from Kagome's throat and she sputtered and choked on her tears for several seconds. Making her mind think of options even as it screamed for her to let it rest. The vengeful, wounded creature though, only presented her with bleak alternatives, and suggested she really had none. 'Don't believe everything you think.'**(4)** some other part of her mind retorted, making her laugh in that bitter desperate, joyless way. Why did she keep thinking of Song Lyrics when she was in these situations?

Still she sensed something lurking in the corner of her mind, some hope, perhaps... 'I can run away again...'

'You have nowhere to go' The part of her mind that thought she deserved this gleefully reminded her.

'we can go back to Sesshoumaru.'

'Yes, and tell him what happened.'

'we can go to Inuyasha.'

'Do I even need to say it?'

'Jichan?'

'Well what do you suggest?'

'I suggest you suck it up, and take the punishment you deserve. None of this would have happened if you hadn't run away in the first place. You and I both know that...'

'We're the same person.'

'That's not the point.'

"There is no point!" Kagome whispered out loud, which is to say she screamed it at her thoughts. The voices stopped arguing and she audibly sighed. At least she had stopped crying. She'd figure out where she was going when she got there; She, just couldn't stay here for this. She had never been so afraid in her whole life, and while part of her felt she deserved it, another part of her screamed she couldn't let it happen. And that part was the one she was hoping was more sane, because she decided to listen to it.

* * *

She hated cases like this. They always choked her up just a little. 'A sixteen year old girl in the ICU, attacked by thugs on the street.' She never would understand kids. Why couldn't a girl like this one, who lived in a nice neighborhood, with loving parents, behave, study on a week night, get good grades, prepare for college. She swallowed hard at some of the more obvious injuries on her body. She just could not understand what would posses this girl to to sneak out in the middle of the night trying to stir up trouble. 

She looked down at the chart in exasperation. Kagome Higurashi She read, as she checked off the vital signs with a sigh. The girl was in very serious condition, and she would have to struggle to recover. But then again if her father hadn't come upon her when he heard the disturbance, Or if the neighbors hadn't called the police. Who knows where she would be?

* * *

**Footnotes:  
(1)--- **I really did read this somewhere, but have never tried it. I don't know if you would even be able to tell the differences some bruises just take decidedly longer to heal. shrugs you just figure she'd want to do something to speed them in healing and that is the purpose of the comment.  
**(2)**--- Those of you in college please spare me the smirks. I know I have not only given Sesshoumaru his own dorm room, but also a private bathroom. Perhaps he has privileges because he is rich, or maybe he killed his roommate, and scared the whole floor into leaving him alone. I don't know! Why don't you just ask HIM how he did it, because I just don't know. I 'd say he has his own apartment but I said in the first chapter he was pulling into the dorms, so now you have to figure it out.  
**(3)** ---And no I am not suggesting Kagome is getting her jollies out of this. This is something that often haunts abuse victims. Their body reacts to the touch that disgusts their mind.  
**(4)** ---Death by Stereo Lyrics... yes I know I am still verging on the brim of insane. Ask me if I care at this point. 


	4. No Way Out

Chapter Three.  
Chapter five.  
**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:** **Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes:** --No footnotes in this chapter folks (I know you are disspointed, can't be helped) but I did do another reader response section however don't think I am going to make a habit out of it.

* * *

_-Also brand new to this chapter --_ A once in a lifetime chance-- **A shout out section-- **  
Okay here goes:  
**The Chibi Hime--** Claws-- Read this because: A) it's pretty good -- and -- B) My mildly adorable sister wrote it.  
**Kin of Dragons--** She has a final fantasy fic that is worth looking at, she is a new writer and doesn't have any reviews --' you only see Stella take pity very seldom... take a picture if you'd like...  
**MKH2**-- Inuyasha Thoughts -- I was thinking you people would really enjoy this series of One-shots, which are some of the best around. GO MIKKI!  
**--** also everyone on my Favorite's lists, who are all incredible authors for their own reasons, (those that deney this will be slapped... (repeatedly))  
Thank-you!

* * *

"" Spoken  
'' thought  
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Omen.

* * *

**No Way Out**  
_"Now your life's getting hard to grasp  
It's just a play and we're the cast  
Don't you feel it in your heart  
Take the stage and play your part"_

* * *

**Chapter 4:**_ No Way Out_

His own breath caught when he saw her lips move slightly open to exhale a gentle breath. It was the first movement she had made in the ten minutes he had been standing in the room. Her right arm was in a cast and gently set to the side of her body, IV's, tubes, and cords, hung all around her. But all Sesshoumaru's attention was on that peaceful angelic face, so calm and untelling.

She was asleep. The nurse had said it before he even entered the room. Almost scoldingly. "She's asleep!" as if she assumed he might run into the room like a four year old and disturb her. He stood there in the doorway and just watched the smooth worryless contours of her face in sleep, meanwhile fighting a powerful urge to sigh.

Here she was, the begrudging object of his obsession. Driven away from him-- strike that-- by him, and ultimately looking worse than she had when she had come to him in the first place. And what was he expected to do? Accept this? Turn around and walk away forgetting about the girl? She infuriated him to no end!

'All she had to do was tell me. I would have protected her. No one could have hurt her, if she had just stayed put. But no...' he lost the battle and released a disgusted sigh, taking several cautious steps toward the slumbering teen. 'what is the matter with you Kagome?' he thought as he took another step and found himself at her side. 'Why are you hiding from me?'

Darkness fluttered in and out as it gradually became the various degrees of much too bright light, and the first thing that was consciously visible in her line of sight were the eyes of God. Intense, and piteous, looking down on his failed creation, almost guiltily, in a sort of silent apology. And then he spoke.

"Kagome?" Deep and sorrowful, the way she imagined God's voice should sound, except there was a familiar feel to it. Something caught at the back of her mind: an intense pain all over every joint in her body-- the pain of life. Kagome's eyes shut tight against the sudden onslaught of pain, and when she opened them, where God had stood there was Sesshoumaru.

Her lips moved in several failed attempts to speak, but her mind supplied her with nothing to say. It was busy trying to catch up to the situation, and silence was devouring any hope of future conversation. She finally let the silence win out and just gazed at up at the man before her. His intense gold eyes were heavy with God's pity, and the question. She saw it in his eyes before it ever left his lips. The question he was sure to ask.

"What happened?" he sounded exasperated, tired, and sad and worried and angry and... exasperated, but somehow gentler then his voice had ever sounded to her before. She suddenly longed to curl up into his arms, and for everything to be all right. But she knew it was no good.

she opened her mouth to speak, and again, her brain supplied her with nothing to say, none of her usually warring voices seemed to want to get out today.

'I'm on my own.'

Her lips parted, creating words without any screening process, since her brain was busy elsewhere. A single rough edged word, coated in self deprecating, pity slid along her vocal chords and escaped into the room.

"life" That was enough. A simple explanation, for a complicated world. She let the word absorb back into her body, and her brain silently nodded it's approval. She was working again, a well oiled machine. Everything would be fine now. Except...

"That's not good enough" Anger, raw and real... while his eyes flashed in sudden cold annoyance his voice was a low whispering growl. She shuttered slightly.

'System meltdown' Her brain was on overload, her voices were back, but they were cat calling whistling and screaming obscenities. Somewhere in the back of her mind though she could see her own tear stained face, begging with silent eyes. 'Don't tell him... don't tell him.'

"Didn't someone tell you?" She was suddenly afraid. Afraid he'd see it on her face, read it in her eyes, afraid that she was suddenly translucent. And what had they told him? Did the nurses know, the doctors, she knew where she was by instinct. Did they know why she was here, for the same reason? Did they think she deserved it?

"Someone... but not you." It was an accusation. Laid flat on the line. He wanted her to own up to her guilt. He was going to disown her. Kagome began to cry.

"I have to sleep now..." She choked out hiding behind her tear soaked lids and lashes hoping she was invisible now, hoping he'd go away.

Before she really thought too long about anything, she really did fall back asleep and had no idea whether he left or stayed.

* * *

Kagome stared silently out the window at the hospital grounds below. There wasn't much to see: a parking lot, outlined with a sidewalk, and some little trees that had been planted along it, like some kind of afterthought to nature. It wasn't the most amazing view she had ever seen but it was better than the ceiling above her bed. 

She had not been allowed to move from her bed the first two weeks she was awake in the hospital, and she had hardly been back in it since. The nurse always gave her a scolding look when she came in and found the young girl engaged in the various activities that did not involve rest, as if laying in bed would suddenly make her bones mend, and her bruises dissipate. When all it really did was encourage her to think thoughts she'd rather not dwell on, and well up more depression.

Kagome smiled slightly at the little bird that flew across the length of the parking lot and disappeared behind the building; she traced her left index finger along the glass following it's path, and wondering what it would feel like to fly. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts she didn't even hear the door open behind her.

"Ahem" The nurse again. Kagome audibly sighed, pulling her gaze back a little to concentrate on the closer image of the nurse's face reflected behind her own on the glass. There was someone with her, Kagome realized: a figure in the doorway waiting to be acknowledged. She turned her head and her previous smile returned.

"Inuyasha!" There he was, the only friend who never challenged her with questions that made her nervous, and still left her without doubts that he cared. Here was her Inuyasha and... she faltered

'Kikyou?'

"Kagome..." his voice was quiet and questioning, and bubbling just below the surface was an emotion she wasn't sure she recognized. That's when she suddenly remembered that she looked like hell frozen over. She smiled at him warmly as a resurance that she was fine and was shocked when he embraced her. She let out a little gasp, and heard the nurse (who was still lingering in the doorway) do the same. Despite herself she smiled a little deeper at that, of course the woman was intolerable.

"Be careful of her ribs." she scolded, giving Inuyasha the evil eye, as he released his friend from his arms. Kagome chuckled slightly. The weeks that she had been forced to remain trapped in her bed were due mostly to the fact that she had broken her ribs. In fact, the first night she was here, she had required surgery because one had punctured a lung, and said receptacle filled with fluid. The nurse could just as easily have said, don't squeeze her to death. Kagome was surprised and glad she had refrained.

As she turned her head away from the embrace she saw that Kikyou had nervously stepped into the room, and was now playing with the hem of her shirt. She apparently didn't know what to do with her hands. Kagome approached her and reaching down clasped one in her own.

"You look well." Kagome assured her, in a friendly voice. And it was true enough. She looked stunning for a girl that had spent such a long time in a coma. She didn't seem to have any lasting physical reminders, unlike Kagome, who would be riddled with scars. Plus Kikyou's ordeal was in the past...

"So do you." she replied politely. Kagome laughed, and a blush crept up the older girls face as she looked down at the floor. She turned her head and found Inuyasha watching them closely.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly. Kagome's mouth fell open in shock.

"I'm sorry, I forgot about you for Kikyou. It's not that you aren't important to me, it's just that..." Kikyou moved forward, still looking at the floor and slid her hand into Inuyasha's. Kagome watched the two hands that seemed to fit together perfectly and suddenly felt very lonely. Inuyasha was still talking, her eyes moved up to his lips trying to hear him over her beating heart.

"... If I had been there none of this would have happened." he finished with a sigh. Kagome scoffed. Silently relieved she had gotten control of her emotions again.

"Since when were you ever in my backyard at three in the morning, Yasha? Don't worry about it, okay? I'm fine... see?" she smiled at him and spread her arms presentation style in a demonstration of how fine she was. Inside, though, she curled up into a ball and waited for the happy couple to go away.

The two sat on her bed. and she sat in the visitors chair across from them, the nurse had wandered away and the three were left to their own devices. One of Kagome's less feeble voices was talking about something she didn't spare any of her real self to: School. Inuyasha didn't seem to notice the difference. Kagome curled into a tighter ball within herself.

"When are you coming back... to school I mean?" He asked, startling her into paying attention to the conversation, again. She was silent for a second as the question filtered through all of her checks and balances. When her mind determined this was a safe question it supplied her with the answer.

"They're releasing me next week. I'll probably be back attending classes by next Wednesday." After she spoke she added a little nod to assure the validity of the answer. Inuyasha didn't respond in any real sense, casual as ever, though, he did manage to excuse Kikyou and himself. Casual as ever he managed to say he'd see her then. Casual as ever he managed to walk out of the room and disappear around the corner. Inside Kagome sobbed, outside Kagome sighed.

* * *

He watched his idiot brother shovel another forkful of something putrid into his mouth, and suppressed the urge to wrinkle his nose at the sight. Another exciting dinner at the Yammamota residence: His father was working late, the housekeeper cooked and left, and the two boys were left to sit across from each other at the table with barely concealed loathing. 

Sesshoumaru wondered vaguely why he even bothered coming to the table, when the sight of his brother eating made him lose his appetite. He sighed, slightly as he sulkily poked at whatever it was growing on his plate. His brother stopped eating across from him for a second and Sesshoumaru could feel eyes upon him.

"What?" Sesshoumaru asked, in an annoyed voice without meeting the younger sibling's gaze.

"Are you going to eat that?" Inuyasha asked innocently, setting his own fork down on his now empty plate.

"It's all yours" Sesshoumaru replied with a sigh pushing the toxic waste across the table and watching as the disposal system that was his brother took care of it.

The two sat in uncomfortable silence for the space of about sixty seconds before Inuyasha began to talk, obviously content to listen to the sound of his own voice, as Sesshoumaru made no sign he was even listening until...

"So I went to the hospital to visit Kagome, and..." Sesshoumaru's eyes averted from the table and met Inuyasha's, Whose own expression went curios at his brothers, apparent sudden interest. Neither had ever spoken to the other about their only mutual interest: Kagome. In fact Inuyasha was not aware that Sesshoumaru had ever even met his friend.

"You took your girlfriend who has just gotten out of the hospital to see your girlfriend who is now in the hospital?" Sesshoumaru asked hiding his interest with a more natural contempt.

Inuyasha scoffed. "Yes... I mean, Kagome is not my girlfriend..." more rambling, some mumbling an "ass hole" or two... Sesshoumaru ignored him until he began to speak of Kagome again.

"Anyway... she said she'd be home next week so I guess she is better off then I thought she was..."

'Next week?' he had thought she would surely be in the hospital for much longer than that. He had been avoiding her, because he didn't know how to deal with his emotions around her, and that was not acceptable for him. She made him angry, and pitiful at the same time. He couldn't decide whether to grab her and shake her or cradle her and reassure her everything would be fine. He thought he might go crazy, and all he could do was imagine what she'd look like next time.

She got hurt worse every time she left his sight, and he wasn't a fool. He knew the bruises came from home. She wasn't attacked by some thugs. The nurse could spin him that tale 'til she was blue in the face and he would never buy it. The woman never saw the previous bruises, no one, in fact but himself had, that's what Kagome had wanted: to hide. And he knew that sweet, if not somewhat deranged girl, wasn't in a gang. She wasn't roaming the streets looking for trouble. He unconsciously rolled his eyes, as he stood.

"...Where are you going?" Inuyasha asked incredulously as Sesshoumaru began to walk out of the room long since ignoring the one sided conversation of his half brother. He had more important things to think about.

* * *

She was sleeping when he came into the room. Her long black hair fanned out around her head, tousled and knotted in places. He could just make out the fading bruises on her outstretched left forearm and on the right side of her jaw the rest of her body was concealed by the hospital blanket and of course the cast on her right arm. Despite these obvious signs of injury she looked ten times better then when he had saw her last. 

She stirred slightly, a little frightened gasp escaping her throat as she curled into herself and away from her dream attacker. Sesshoumaru fought the urge to scoop her up in his arms and press her to his chest. He would do just about anything to remove this new image of her sleeping face, crinkled in fear, from his mind.

"Kagome" he whispered, hoping she'd wake, hoping she'd stop the fit of tossing she had suddenly fallen into. Promising, the gods anything just as long as he didn't have to watch this girl suffer anymore. She was miserable and it was killing him; neither could take much more abuse.

He sat down on the corner of the bed and with a swift decisiveness pulled her into his lap. He wiped the hair that had fallen in her face aside, and marveled at the blue gray eyes that shot open. Tears were already running down her face before her eyelids even parted the whole way.

Kagome stared into his eyes for a second and then collapsed into his arms, wrapping her own arms tightly around him and sobbing uncontrollably into his chest. And he just held her there: feet curled out to the side, and still tangled in the blankets, body curled like a baby's across his lap, face buried in the cloth of his shirt, arms loosely hanging at his back-- and she cried like she had been waiting a month to do so, cried like it was the only thing that mattered, cried as if her sanity and maybe even her life depended on it, cried for ten minutes without pause.

Afterward she looked up at him with pleading, bloodshot eyes, newly cried tears still streaking her now red and splotchy face, and he felt his chest surge. A creature of incredible beauty and innocence lay dying in his arms and there was nothing he could do to revive her.

"I'm afraid." She whispered suddenly snuggling deeper into his chest and at the same time freeing him from the incredible grasp her eyes had, had upon him.

"Afraid of what?" he asked softly, rocking her as a mother rocks a child, who had a bad dream. But Kagome's monsters weren't just in her head; Her monsters were real, and he didn't know how to fix her, now that she was already broken so badly.

"I'm afraid I'll disappear." She whispered into his chest so that he barely made out what she had said. "I don't remember who I am anymore."

"I know who you are..." he assured her hooking his fingers under her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. "...I won't let you disappear."

Kagome sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder; Sesshoumaru could feel her hot breath coming in steadily calming puffs just below his ear. As he began to untangle her legs from the blanket, so he could adjust her more comfortably on his numbing legs, he could already tell by her breathing that she was going to sleep, and he could tell by her clinging arms that she had no intention of doing it elsewhere.

* * *

It had been an entire hour. His back was starting to ache even though he managed to maneuver himself so he was leaning on the wall, and as much as he loved holding her in his arms, he felt it was time to separate, and talk. He needed her to be all right, and he wanted to protect her, but she just made things so difficult. 

"Kagome" he turned his head and pressed his lips to her waiting ear as he stood up and cradled the sleeping girl in his arms. Her head lifted slightly off his shoulder, her eyes still red and puffy, but a lot less distorted with tears. In fact her entire face was a little calmer than it had been.

"Don't let me fall..." It was such an odd request. He had a tight grasp on her, and he suddenly got the feeling she meant more figuratively and in that case he wasn't so sure he could keep his promise.

"Never!" he replied his lips now pressed to her forehead.

"We need to talk." he said, still pressing his lips gently to the smooth skin just below her hairline.

"No." she whispered.

"You have to tell me what's wrong..."

"I don't have time." She chuckled almost desperately: A sick ironic laugh that made his stomach twist a little

"It would take a lifetime for one thing..." She continued, meanwhile moving her head so instead of her forehead he suddenly had her lips. Their four lips were inches away from each other, so close to a kiss, that when she moved her own to finish the sentence they casually brushed up against his, and he found he almost shivered. "...and anyway, they're coming for me."

He Swallowed, lowering her to the floor and holding her by her shoulders until she caught her balance. He was Staring listlessly into her eyes, trying to think of what to say next when, on cue, her "parents" came into the room.

"Kagome?" Sesshoumaru felt her jump as the man said her name with supposed indifference although Sesshoumaru saw the malice behind his gaze. He felt a growl grow inside his throat, and had an urge to pull her behind him and refuse to let her go. But he felt her warmth leave his side as he stared into her stepfathers eyes, and he did nothing to stop her retreat.

The "happy family" walked away together and left Sesshoumaru alone and unsure of what to do. Everything about this situation was wrong, but he wasn't sure he had the power to make it right.

* * *

**Post Story Note:** _Just one:_ I noticed this on the proof read-- Sesshoumaru sure suppresses a lot of urges, huh? Maybe he should just go with things, and he'd be happier... ya think?

* * *


	5. Back Home

**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:** **Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes: **--I think I twisted the meaning of the lyrics this time... (is anyone reading them anyway?)  
-- I skipped a reader response section this time, but if you asked me a question I did answer it at the bottom, and if I didn't... E-mail me and I will try to.  
-- No footnotes... it's been awhile, huh?  
-- I ran long! gasp I even cut out a scene I deemed unnecessary and still went about 500 words over my average, so you're getting your money's worth.  
"" Spoken  
'' thought  
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Staind.

* * *

**Home**  
_"I force myself through another day  
Can't explain the way today just fell apart like everything  
Right in my face  
And I try to be the one  
I can't accept this all because of you  
I've had to walk away  
From everything  
I'm afraid to be alone  
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone  
I'm afraid to come back home "_

* * *

**Chapter 5:**_ Back Home_

Kagome had her eyes closed, riding in the back seat of the family car, (not the nice one Naraku drove himself to work in, but rather the one that her mother drove on a regular basis-- well as regularly as her mother drove; which wasn't often.) She was "looking" out the window at the passing scenery. Everything about the world was so totally bizarre right now, and Naraku was speeding. She could tell despite her eyes being closed that he was going too fast; The air in the car was thick with nervous tension, and Kagome could almost hear the whitening of her mothers knuckles. Telephone poles were gliding past the open window, announcing their arrival and departure with mini-wooshes of air that were over almost as soon as they had begun; Naraku was surely speeding.

She thought back to the hospital, the confrontation had been brief, almost nonexistent to the untrained eye. She had been lost in the safety of those golden orbs when suddenly they were removed from her scrutiny; she heard the growl raise in Sesshoumaru's throat, and Were he a dog he might have raised his hackles. Their two fierce personalties clashed, in midair, with a spectacular display of fire and ice. Well figuratively at any rate. It hadn't been much, but it was enough to make Naraku, well...

Kagome allowed her eyes to open ever so slightly as she glanced into the review mirror; the sun reflected from the windshield and onto Naraku's eyes making them appear to glow red. She felt her teeth catch her lip, tasting in seconds that familiar coppery taste, as she forced her lids to shut even tighter than before.

'angry' she understated to her battered brain. It was too weak to respond. No rush of painful memories, no reassuring thoughts, nothing at all in fact assaulted her. She just closed her eyes and listened to the telephone poles, nursing her self inflicted wound upon her lip with her tongue .

When they were home and standing in the driveway her mother turned and gave her a reassuring hug. It was a gentle hug, the kind that "minded her ribs" without being told, an apologetic, sympathetic, loving hug. It was a hug good-bye; she was going to the store.

"Are you sure you don't want anything, else?" she asked gently, as she released Kagome from the hug and turned to take the keys from her husband.

"..." Kagome opened her mouth to speak but found she couldn't trust it, and she would not be able to do much but sob if she didn't get control of herself. She simply shook her head no, and watched her mother climb behind the wheel.

Naraku had turned and entered the house, and she knew he expected her to follow. She longed very much to simply flag down her mother and beg to be permitted to come along, but she knew she would catch it worse if she didn't come in now. And for all the pain she had already suffered she didn't think she could handle "worse".

He was standing in the doorway with a tight grasp of the door when she walked through, afterwards he slammed it behind her and stood between she and it.

"So that's where you ran off to, huh? You little Slut." She could smell his breath and it made her weak. It was that same foul odor she tasted when she woke in the hospital, she suddenly remembered that right before she passed out he had pressed his lips to hers and she had wanted to wretch.

While Kagome Instinctively took a step back, he took two steps forward and elicited a gasp as he was almost upon her. His teeth were clenched tightly against the onslaught of his rage, and She swallowed the sob that was threatening to come out turning innocent and frightened eyes up toward his own.

"I saw the way he looked at you, you little whore! Gone off and shared his bed, like the dirty little slut you are?" She tried to step back again but he had a'hold of her hair. She wanted desperately to deny it, but it was true. She hadn't had sex with Sesshoumaru, but she had run to him last time, She had shared his bed, and She did like it when he looked at her the way he had. She always deserved this...

"No!" Kagome screamed, stepping away from him despite his grasp on her hair, wincing painfully but not pausing. The effort proved irrelevant because here she was once again against the wall.

"Oh?" he asked, allowing his voice to raise an octave in anger, "Now you're going to lie to my face as well? I'm going to teach you some manners, by god, I'm going to make you wish you were never born." She had not been able to defend herself properly in her current state and he already had her trapped in a very painful position. Her arms were pinned over her head, squishing her casted arm and causing unbelievable waves of pain in her ribs from the exertion of the stretch.

'I already wish I was never born' she thought as she closed her eyes, and hoped she would somehow disappear, marveling how in the course of less then an hour the thought of fading away that had frightened her so badly had become what she desperately longed for.

* * *

He was debating. It was true that he prided himself on not making mistakes, but that was only because he was not usually rash with his decisions. In fact he was never rash, and right now he was debating. 

Sesshoumaru rested his forehead upon the oaken door and sighed quietly. It was obvious this was the necessary course of action, and his current indecisiveness was more on a count of nerves, then this being a really big impasse on his journey.

The debate was whether or not he should knock. He thought he should. Their car wasn't in the driveway, and he had sped all the way here. While he was fairly certain they were inside there was also a possibility that they were not.

'In which case the door would be locked, so it can't hurt to try the handle...'

He knew, as well though, that if they _were_ in there, that Naraku would be more than "slightly miffed" if he were to just barge in and demand Kagome. And that's just what he intended to do.

His heart had sunk, when he watched her walk away; a realization began to plague him: if he allowed her to be taken back into that house he would never see her again, that possibly no one would, and now it occurred to him that while he was standing here with his forehead to the door and the knob in his hand that she could already be in serious trouble.

It was suddenly decided: good, bad or ugly, all this time, he had only been deluding himself. There was only one option all along; he turned the door knob and pushed the front door open.

There she was. His stomach turned when he saw her. She was lying on the floor in the entrance hall her eyes shut tight, her lips moving in a silent prayer, her arms hooked above her head with what could only be a belt. His eyes slid instantly from her weeping form to the man standing above her; he had not yet noticed Sesshoumaru's arrival, but he was about to.

Naraku's head made hard contact with the wall, and a curse fell from his mouth. When his eyes met Sesshoumaru's they were shocked, and then outraged, and he quickly tried to stand to defend himself. Sesshoumaru took one simple step backward to avoid being run into as Naraku again hit the floor, tripping over his own pants that he had forgotten were around his ankles. However Noticing these for the first time only encouraged a low growl from Sesshoumaru's throat as he brought back his leg, and landed a hard kick to Naraku's chest.

Naraku groaned a moment, before rolling away from the next assault. However he proved neither fast enough or agile enough to avoid the next blow, that landed on his face. More cursing, and a small amount of blood spray followed.

Sesshoumaru reached down and picked up the older man by his long black hair, dangling him in front of his face as he attempted to kick free of his binding blue jeans.

"You pathetic waste of human life." he heard come out of his own mouth. Although all he really wanted to do was rip out this freaks heart and feed it to him, he seemed to be berating him instead.

"I could kill you now, you know?" He whispered this as he slammed him hard into the wall rolling his eyes when Naraku sputtered and splattered some of the blood from his nose onto Sesshoumaru's white T-shirt. He continued to struggle unsuccessfully with his legs, but his eyes had all of the sudden become more afraid then angry.

"Put me down..." he started to demand, but Sesshoumaru slammed him into the wall yet again, cutting of the sentence completely.

"I believe you are confused about who is in charge here!" Sesshoumaru chided angrily. "It's not you... not anymore." He paused when he heard Kagome let out a choked sob. She was hurt, he didn't have time to enjoy this.

"Watch your back." He added as he removed his own belt dropping his grip on the hair to capture his hands, and tie Naraku at the wrists above his head. He turned to Kagome, trying to remove the offending leather article on her wrists with the utmost gentleness, but she still whimpered and sobbed. She was yet to open her eyes.

Naraku was yelling obscenities and trying to get into a standing position which was difficult with his hands tied over his head and his feet caught in his pants. Sesshoumaru returned him his full attention.

"You may learn yet, that it is not wise to challenge this Sesshoumaru..." he assured grabbing hold of the edge of Naraku's jeans and ripping them violently from his body "... but until then, let me assure you, I'll remind you as often as you need it." He finished his statement coldly as he attached Naraku's own belt to his ankles, trapping them hopelessly together.

Kagome hadn't moved, her arms were still over her head, crossed at the wrists, tears were streaming down her face, and her eyes were tightly closed. Sesshoumaru sighed. She was badly beaten, and she was an emotional wreck. He chided himself again, and again as he lifted her gently into his arms. He never should have allowed her to walk away.

* * *

She screamed, dropping the heavy grocery bags and rushing to his side. When she had pulled into the driveway and saw that the front door was opened she had felt very uneasy, but she never in a million years thought she would find her husband beaten and tied up in the entry way to her home. 

"Naraku?" She cried, fumbling with the belt around his wrists, and finally managing to release his arms.

"Call the police..." his voice sounded hoarse from yelling and blood had dried on his lips and was now cracking and crusting as he spoke. "Kagome's boyfriend-- from the gang-- he broke in, beat me and kidnapped her. God knows what he is doing to her now!"

* * *

"I want you to open your eye's Kagome." he whispered. She flinched at the sound of her name, but made no other movement. 

"I need you to look at me. I need you to be okay." He almost pleaded with her, but she didn't seem to want to respond. She was lying on the couch in the living room, silently crying and bleeding all over the white slip cover. She hadn't moved her arms, and she hadn't opened her eyes.

"He can't hurt you here." He whispered watching her face contort and move in an odd and somewhat anguished expression. Her silence was scaring him, and he knew that she was in serious danger, as she slipped deeper into shock.

Sesshoumaru, scooped her up again and took her up the stairs placing her gently into the shower stall and supporting her with his left arm, he turned on the cold shower. She screamed, a high blood curdling scream and he quickly turned it off, blood shot eyes turned to him, in surprise.

"My cast!" she demanded "You aren't supposed to get it wet!"

* * *

She was wearing Inuyasha's clothes this time. They fit her better, but they didn't smell like Sesshoumaru. Kagome sighed. Thoughts like that were the one's that made her sure Naraku had been right, about her and Sesshoumaru. But it didn't matter, he would never want anything to do with her now, because he knew. Sesshoumaru knew that Kagome was being punished, he had seen it, and now she could tell he wanted nothing to do with her. He had given her Inuyasha's clothes, tucked her into the bed in the guest room, and disappeared. At first she had slept, but it didn't last long, she couldn't quiet the voices in her mind. 

'I can't be left alone with you, you scare me...' she told the sabotaging voice as she struggled to get out of bed.

He was standing in the hall. She had never seen such a sight. Sesshoumaru, proud and strong, leaning his shoulder and his temple against the wall and staring at the doorway in which she now stood.

"You're up?" his voice was strained slightly had it been anyone else she might have thought he was on the verge of tears, but not Sesshoumaru; he was probably just tired.

"I'm afraid to be alone." She whispered, taking a couple more steps toward him, as he nodded gently, righting himself and regaining his composure.

"Would you like something to eat?" He asked gently, allowing Kagome time to catch up to him before he started down the stairs. She smiled slightly.

"I don't think I could stomach your cooking right now..." He laughed. It was a strangely nervous laugh, which gave her the odd feeling that he was only humoring her and she perhaps disgusted him beyond words. It was extremely depressing.

"Don't worry..." he assured. "The house keeper is here today, and her food is occasionally edible."

Kagome smiled, as she followed him to the dining room, and was surprised to find Inuyasha sitting at the table, nervously poking and prodding at his meal and not eating. In the time that she had known Inu, however brief, she had _never_ known him to not eat what was in front of him and consequently everyone else.

"Inu-chan!" She breathed out gleefully, "I didn't even know you were here." His head shot up, and a blush crept into his cheeks.

"Ya, I've been home since school let out. but Sesshou_maru_ wouldn't let me come in and see you." He stood up, still nervously glancing at his dinner but she didn't seem to take notice as she ran over to him hooking her arms around his waist in a friendly hug. Had she been able to see his cheeks from this angle she would have known they had gone bright crimson.

"Sit" Sesshoumaru commanded, and neither felt compelled to disobey. He had lead the house keeper to the table with a plate for Kagome, but he then began to walk away.

"Sesshoumaru!" She called out, hearing the note of panic in her own voice but not caring. "You aren't going to leave me, are you?" She was genuinely afraid that he would leave now, go back to the dorms, start living his life without her, and never pay her mind again.

He turned his head back to her, a look of surprise taking precedent amongst the other dozen hard to read expressions.

"No." he said softly.

"Oh," she replied, sighing in relief. "well, why aren't you eating?" she was biting her lip again, as she gazed at his form half paused in retreat. The house keeper looked up at him, wondering what he would say. He simply nodded to her so she proceeded back into the kitchen, presumably to get another plate for him.

"I will, I guess" he said calmly. Inuyasha's Jaw moved for a second, a look of bitter disbelief apparent in his features, but he didn't say what was apparently on his mind and soon the three were eating in awkward silence.

* * *

She had bruises, new ones on top of the healed. His eyes were drawn to a thumb print he could just make out on her thigh, as she leaned even farther over to look out the window; it made his mind ache. Every time he looked at Kagome he saw Naraku leering over her, that lustful look in his eyes, her lips moving in that silent prayer. He would sell his soul if he could just make that sight go away. 

Sesshoumaru leaned in the doorway, watching the fragile girl. He was yet to make his presence known and she didn't seem to notice him standing there. He couldn't bring himself to comfort her anymore. All the words that he could say sounded so empty and pointless to him, all the words he had said, so fake. He had told her she was safe, told her he wouldn't let her fall, then he dropped her, and she was broken, yet again. There wasn't enough glue in the world to put her back together now; the cuts ran too deep, and some would never even be scars just festering open wounds. He sighed, drawing her attention, and eliciting a heart warming smile. She always looked happy to see him, even though he let her down.

"Sesshoumaru!" she smiled "It's snowing again; look." She pointed her index finger toward the window she had been considering, simultaneously adjusting her legs on the couch so that he could sit next to her and look out the window, as well. The bruise disappeared underneath the confines of her shorts.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she asked as the snowflakes glid silently in the darkening sky. Sesshoumaru's eyes fell on her face, filled with innocent wonder.

"Yes," he whispered, pulling a strand of her hair behind her ear, and drawing her attention to him again. Their eyes met. "...Beautiful."

There was chaos going on behind those stormy eyes. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, and had a feeling even she was having trouble deciding. The pink tinge was over coming her face however and she turned her gaze away. He was just reaching down to hook her chin, and bring her eyes back up to his own once again, when he heard a commotion from the entry hall.

First a knock, and then Inuyasha's loud voice, objecting to someone. Sesshoumaru stood to go see what was going on, and Kagome moved to follow, but he bid her stay, and she listened.

"What's going on in here." Sesshoumaru said, with a chilly calm, and commanding voice, seeing the police officers trying to physically bypass his brother who had planted himself firmly in the doorway. Inuyasha turned to face him, allowing the two men to step into the doorway, but they made no move to come farther, as they eyed Sesshoumaru, cautiously.

"They say they're here for Kagome, and... and you." he said looking at the floor. Ever since he had lectured Inuyasha for being so blind, essentially taking his own frustration out on his brother, Inuyasha had been timid, embarrassed and downright guilty when it came to all matters of Kagome, especially those that involved Sesshoumaru's "rescue".

"I see." Said Sesshoumaru, being careful not to reveal anything in the tone of his voice. "What would you like with us."

"Is she here." asked the shorter of the two officers, timidly looking up at Sesshoumaru with a nervous apprehension. He probably had seen what Naraku had looked like and was surprised by the lack of marks on the younger man.

"She is." he replied calmly gesturing toward the room he had just exited.

"May we speak with her", said the taller, in a business like tone. Both officers demonstrated an attitude of inexperience in this department.

"If she wishes..." he replied shoving his arm up to block the door from the smaller man who tried to enter. "and only if she wishes..."

He knew she would be listening, standing just inside the doorway cowering from the unwanted visitors. He knew she would tell them nothing. She made it exceedingly difficult to protect her.

"Kagome." he said softly, his voice more soothing then he ever allowed it to get with anyone else.

"I can't" she squeaked from just inside the room, and her voice was shaking slightly. He turned his eyes to the police officers and gave them a nod as if to say 'no thanks, she says we don't want any.' But the officer refused to relent.

"Come on out here sweetheart, we're here to help." Said the shorter man, eyeing Sesshoumaru as he did so. Seconds later Kagome was leaning on the door frame, an inch or so behind Sesshoumaru's protective form. The two police officers visibly reacted to her beaten state, both obviously considering Sesshoumaru a violent menace. He fought an urge to roll his eyes.

"All right sweetheart," the taller, spoke up. "We're going need to take your statement."

"...and after." Inuyasha asked, suddenly uneasy at the way they were staring at his brother so maliciously. The shorter turned and addressed him.

"She goes home, and he goes to jail. Her father is pressing charges." Kagome's eyes went suddenly wide as Sesshoumaru moved to stand between her and the police; she began crying into her hands. Wild thoughts began to go through Sesshoumaru's head and he couldn't sort them fast enough. Things had not gone the way that they were meant to, not at all.

And his choice of movement also proved ill advised, because the officers apparently found it threatening. Before he knew what hit him, he was face first in the carpet and being fitted with cuffs.

"Don't worry sweetheart" the little officer said, "he can't hurt you any longer." Tears were pouring down her face as Sesshoumaru forced his own face out of the carpet.

"Look into her eyes." he scathed "and then, you tell me that I'm the one she's afraid of."


	6. You Can't Save Me

**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:** **Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes:**Hello my adoring fans. I have good news and bad news. okay I lied I just have bad news. So sue me. I am in dire straits at the moment and I really can't go into detail. But I assure you it isn't writers block. In fact it's financial. At any rate, for an undisclosed amount of time I am going offline. Which sucks so royally. But fear not I can't bare to let you all down, so I am going to find some place that has internet access somehow and load my story on. I really appologize for the long wait last time and the possible long wait to come. I am looking for a solution. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will put a rush on the next three. Hey this story is drawing to a resolution... excited? Happy reading, S.c.  
"" Spoken  
'' thought  
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Stabbing Westward.

* * *

**Falls apart**  
_"I'm tangled and broken  
Left scattered on the floor  
Its useless now these pieces  
Can never make me whole  
You wither You blister  
I watch you burn and peal  
It's not like you can save me  
It's not like you even care "_

* * *

**Chapter 6:**_ You Can't Save Me_

Her head was spinning. A sense of dizziness was taking her over and she suddenly felt like she could no longer support her own body weight. Sesshoumaru was watching her carefully, and in his eyes she could see raw unmasked concern, even though it was himself he should probably currently be worrying for.

She tripped over her own feet when the shorter officer tried to "lead" her out of the door, at a glance she could see a marked car sitting in front of her own home several houses down. Something snapped in her mind. She knew leading her to that house would be her funeral procession. Naraku needed time to cool down. Kagome ripped her arm out of the officers grasp, maneuvered away from him and clung to Sesshoumaru. While She was crying with her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and her head buried in his chest Sesshoumaru bent awkwardly forward to speak to her, thrown slightly off balance by the handcuffs behind him.

"Everything's fine Kagome." he whispered, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

"It's not!" She sobbed into his T-shirt, not moving her face even slightly to either side until after she had spoken. Then she raised her head slightly propping her chin into his chest so she could see his face. His lips twisted into a little reassuring smile, and he leaned down placing a light kiss to her forehead.

"It is." He whispered. "They aren't sending you home yet," He broke eye contact with her to look to the baffled policeman still standing in the doorway where Kagome had left him. "are you, boys?"

"We do still need to get your statement" replied the taller who was holding Sesshoumaru rather ineffectively by the cuffs.

"See?" he whispered giving her back those steady comforting eyes. "Everything's fine."

She felt her head nodding, even though she was having a hard time believing everything was fine, and even though her heart felt like it might break in two at the very notion that she had to give a statement and even despite the dizzy sensation that returned as the tall officer began to lead Sesshoumaru out of her grasp and to his car out front. She nodded dumbly and began to bite her lip.

Inuyasha put his arm around her shoulder as they both watched the taller officer drive away with him, until the car turned a corner and was out of sight.

* * *

"I told you: It's a pretty simple concept, try to wrap your brain around it." Sesshoumaru said in a low voice as he looked at his cuffed hands that rested on the table in front of him. 

"I entered the house. Lying on the floor in the entryway was Kagome" he closed his eyes but since he was looking down at his hands the officer across from him took no notice.

"She was crying." his voice got softer almost remorseful "and he was standing over her, his pants around his ankles."

At this he looked up letting his eyes meet those of the relentless officer. Emotions he usually kept deeply bottled were seething and threatening to boil over. "And, yes, I knocked him around a little, but he got off easy. Did you see any broken bones? Was he in ICU recovering from a punctured lung? I didn't think so. Why is it that he can beat that innocent girl within an inch of her life and no one bats an eye, but I put him in his proper place and you haul me in before you can say double-standard?"

"That's enough." said a voice from the doorway, that Sesshoumaru didn't bother to acknowledge. He was looking at his hands again and wondering where Kagome was at this moment. He didn't even really notice when the officer left the room.

"He isn't changing his story and repeatedly asking him the same questions isn't getting us anywhere." The captain said looking through the mirror at the young man. "I mean he isn't denying he beat up the man, right? So maybe, we ought to at least look into his reasoning."

The detective was deep in thought. Something Sesshoumaru had said had struck home. Why were they trying so hard to make Naraku's story match the evidence rather than looking at the evidence and trying to find the truth? He wasn't sure. But he was ready to find out.

"Yes, captain. The girl is being questioned but she hasn't coaberated anything that the he's said. I mean she hasn't coaberated anything either of them have said. She's the key, and she ain't talking."

His superior sighed, still watching the man in front of them fiddle with his hands in a sulking silence.

* * *

"When's the first time you were in the hospital?" He watched the young girl give him a nervous smile. It was the same nervous smile she had flashed him when he asked her every question so far, even the easy one's like her name, and birthday. 

"Well, when I was four I had pneumonia and my mother was really worried, so I went to the emergency room, but they didn't check me in." she bit her lip, the smile that didn't come close to reaching her desperation laden eyes never fading as she looked at her straining hands again.

"Oh? I see. How many times have you been checked in?" She didn't look up.

"Just once." She whispered, her knuckles turning white as they churned the cloth of her T-shirt.

"What brought you to the hospital that time?" He asked, allowing his voice to show only a mild amount of interest. "Was it serious?"

"I... uh.." She stuttered, flashing him the nervous grin again, her eyes soft and defeated. I had a concussion, and broken ribs, a... punctured lung, and" she held out her right arm as she spoke. "I broke my arm..." she paused.

"How did you come by these injuries?" he interjected in her sudden silence, and then came the grin, the downcast eyes, the gnawing silence. He cleared his throat.

"Kagome? How did these injuries happen?" He asked again, remaining quiet and calm.

"I... uh... I'd rather not say." she was chewing on her lip as she spoke to the table.

"Okay honey, that's fine. Let's talk about something else. How about Sesshoumaru? How do you feel about him." His voice remained soft and untelling. Kagome grinned, a geniune one this time, enough to bring a small smile to his own lips.

"I don't know." she said still smiling a little, "He... he makes me feel safe..." Her face turned worried and her voice faltered slightly. "He's not going to jail is he?"

"I don't know. I'm not in charge of that." He repleid trying to sound reassuring, although he had a feeling there was a good chance that Sesshoumaru would be seeing the inside of a cell. "How about I find out what's going on with Sesshoumaru and I'll send someone in with some coffee for you, okay?"

"Okay" she responded with a weak smile as she went back to playing with her hands.

* * *

"In my professional opinion?" he asked, standing next to the captain and looking in on the man in question through the two way mirror. The captain nodded. 

"He's about as likely as you or I to be the attacker. I think there is a geniune threat and if you send her home the next time you see her will probably be in a body bag. But she isn't likely to tell you anything, and by trying to force her there is a good chance of doing more harm then good."

"So doctor, what you're telling me is that we have no choices or decisions and this girl is as good as dead?"

"Well sir, in these kinds of cases the abuser is constantly upping the ante from what I gather her last attack nearly killed her. If the man who caused those injuries is the stepfather as that young man suggests" he gestured with his arm toward the glass. "Then yes, the situation is pretty bleak. Her future is in her own hands"

"What can we do?" asked the detective who until now had been silent.

"We can only hold her so long." The captain replied with a shake of his head. "You try to find something out that will make his story hold water, and you" he continued turning back to the psychologist "try to talk to her. I am going to give this kid a phone call, he better hope he has a good lawyer."

* * *

"Father?" Sesshoumaru spoke calmly into the telephone "I'm aware that you are in London, but this does take precedence don't you think?" He paused gripping the receiver lightly. "Yes, I told you, they are pressing charges. I need you now, ok?" another pause. "thank-you" 

"He'll be here in about an hour." Sesshoumaru said offhandishly to the captain as he took the phone from his hand. "He's not pleased" he added for good measure shooting the man a dirty look.

"I suppose he wouldn't be." The Captain replied with exasperation as he placed the receiver back on it's base. "Couldn't he just send over your lawyer?"

Sesshoumaru looked up at him calmly, all his previous seething anger seemed to have returned to it's rightful buried place. "He is my lawyer." he stated blankly, looking at his feet and noticing for the first time the blood that was on his right shoe. He sighed slightly. Those were expensive.

* * *

"What's happening with Sesshoumaru." Kagome asked her cup of coffee. The detective that was in the middle of questioning her stopped in mid-sentence to consider her question. 

"He stands to be in a lot of trouble if he can't prove his story..."

"I told you." she looked up from the Styrofoam cup meeting his gaze "Sesshoumaru would never hurt me."

"I know, but that isn't going to be enough. We need to know what happened."

Her eyes averted back to the cup in her hands as she watched a single tear drop fall within chasing the dark contents into a frenzy of ripples.

"Now your stepfather is pressing charges. According to him your friend broke into his house and assaulted him. Is that what happened?"

"well..." Kagome began her hands shaking slightly as another sob welled up in her throat.

"Did you see what happened to your father?"

"I... I" she coughed suddenly and her cup slipped from her shaking hands spilling her coffee all over the table, and consequently the detective's lap. He was so busy jumping into the air with a string of surprised curses spilling from his mouth that he never saw Kagome move to cower in the corner on the opposite side of the room. The psychologist who had been present for the questioning joined her side but made little effort to reach her. He could see she was nearly catatonic, she wouldn't speak to him and her eyes resembled those of a trapped animal.

* * *

Two detectives sat in the bustling department neither looking up from their respective folders. 

"Supposing it is the father figure?" said the one glancing up at his agitated partner, there was a balding spot on the top of his head he had never really noticed before and the light kept catching it.

"Then it's the father." he replied without breaking his concentration on what he was writing.

"There's no way of knowing, short of his confession or her accusation. In cases like these its her word against his and she ain't even talking. Whadya want we should do about it, Tom?" He looked up then from his writing for the first time making eye-contact with his partner.

"Tom, the girl ain't talking, I interviewed her myself. She's a few bricks short of a fortress if you catch my drift."

Tom waved off his balding partner with his hand as he returned his attention to the file in front of him, on top of the heap was a yellow paper with messy handwriting, paper clipped to which was a picture of Sesshoumaru. A small sigh escaped his lips.

"And what about this kid, Gabe? He goes in for assault? Meanwhile she goes home, and next week we're investigating her toe tag?"

Gabe cleared his throat indicating that his partner was getting carried away and he should lower his voice. The few people who were blatantly looking at them averted their eyes, although the room remained unusually quiet. Gabe leaned in to speak in a much lower voice.

"The boy has reasonable doubt and his "attorney's" reputation proceeds him. I don't think there is much to worry about as far as that goes. And as for the girl... she doesn't talk then her fate is her own. You can't beat yourself up over every case that comes across this desk. You'll never survive in this business.

"We let this girl go home with that man and we're murders, Gabe. No better than the god damned perp himself." he slammed his hands on his desk, letting out a huge sigh. "I'm going for coffee."

* * *

She was no longer in one of the interrogation rooms, where countless pairs of eyes watched her from behind her own reflection. Though the queasiness in her stomach assured her that the questioning was not over. Kagome uncrossed her left leg from her right only to rearrange them and recross them the other direction, at the same time running her tongue remorsefully across her bottom lip tasting the familiar copper and attempting to prevent herself from running her teeth along it again. It was a nervous habit. The younger of the two detectives that she had spoken to sat beside her again, he seemed to be averting his eyes. 

"Miss Higurashi..."

"Masushita" she whispered

"Pardon" the young detective asked looking up from the file and finally meeting her eyes, she was amazed by how tired and sad he looked. She had never really considered how rough of a job being a detective in such a big city probably was.

"Masushita" she replied again, this time with more confidence. "My mother remarried..." she paused, and looked at her shoe for a second. "My name changed."

_'everything did' _her heart was trying to swallow her entire body, she could feel each treacherous thump enveloping her entire system and leaving her with no prospect of control. She never used to feel like this._ 'Kami grant me some strength.' _she looked up again.

"That's right!" he said distractedly pointing to something on her file, "I was just speaking with Mr. and Mrs. Masushita on the phone." he added searching her eyes suddenly with his own. She looked at her feet, afraid of what he would find whilst rooting around in the depths of her unshielded soul.

"Oh" was all Kagome managed to dig up by way of response and the word was almost devoured by the bustle around her.

"Yes, I can't believe I forgot to tell you." he said calmly, still focusing his own gaze in the direction of her downcast eyes.

"They have been quite eager to get you back 'Safe and Sound.' they're on their way."

"I'm going home then?" she whispered in a defeated voice

"Unless there's some reason you shouldn't." He paused giving her a chance to speak before continuing. "Kagome?" he added in a commanding voice drawing her to meet his eyes again. "Is there some reason you shouldn't go home?"

A lone tear began to creep down her face, she could feel the heat of it on her skin but she made no move to wipe it away and no others followed. She opened her mouth to speak but her voice only squeaked and her cheeks began to burn, she could feel the raw anger that was pumping the blood there. She suddenly felt trapped and used.

"Listen," he began leaning in so they were staring each other directly in the eye, his tiredness, fading to blind determination, her fear morphing into panic induced anger. "In 20 minutes your parents are going to waltz through that door whether I like it or not. And to tell you the truth I don't like it. Now, I can help you. I can protect you. But you have to level with me sweetheart. You have to tell me what's been going on."

She met his gaze squarely, the anger he had begun to induce was now seething with in her. The desperation and the blind cynicism she carried along for the ride on a regular basis were now being fueled and had the voices in her head back in action. A bitter war was going on, and the part of her that would even think about telling him anything did not like to be involved in this kind of thing. That voice had gone quiet, it moved itself to the back and was observing, silently hoping that violence didn't break out inside her inner sanctum.

"You can't help me." she stated coolly "So don't pretend you can."


	7. The Child Is Gone

**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:** **Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes: **I'd apologize more but it would seem so empty. I have been going through a spot of financial trouble and also in a bizarre twist of Fate (or perhaps my own Karma biting me on the ass) I find myself enthralled in the wicked grasps of Carpal tunnel syndrome. So typing at times is slow and painful work... but Fear not, when you're this far down there is nowhere to go but up... Right?  
"" Spoken  
'' thought  
indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Fiona Apple.

* * *

**The Child Is Gone**  
_"'Cuz I suddenly feel like a different person  
From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion  
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion  
A vacancy that just did not belong  
The child is gone "_

* * *

**Chapter 7:**_ The Child Is Gone_

He came out of his trance when he heard his wife on the stairs and turned his head away from the long since cold cup of coffee and to his wife's worried gaze.

"Tom? are you all right?" She asked, lingering on the last step in the hall.

"Ya, I'm fine" Detective Tarakeichi replied with a sigh as he stood from his spot at the kitchen table to pour the wasted drink down the drain. "Just thinking."

He kept his eyes on the brown liquid swirling slowly away even as he heard her sigh, and her feet padding softly across the rug. "You should get some rest." she murmured as she wrapped her arms around his chest and laid her cheek gently against his back.

"I know" He replied wrapping his arms around hers and reciprocating the hug. "but I can't get this case out of my mind." He closed his eyes for a second only to find those hurt gray-blue pools from earlier that day still there. Her words had been playing in his head every second he wasn't distracting himself with something else. The scene playing back was already haunting him: her head down, her feet sliding across the carpet following her parents out the station house door. Already peace eluded him and it had only been several hours, he was sure he couldn't live with a lifetime of this kind of regret.

"I need to do something with myself, I can't sit still." He let the words fall from his mouth quietly as his eyes popped open again and he pulled himself regrettably from the hug leaving his wife leaning against the kitchen counter as he made his way to the hall closet.

"Toma, where are you going?" She asked, her voice suddenly laced with a slight worry.

"Out" He replied roughly, before turning to her with a softer apologetic expression. Moving back into the kitchen his coat in hand he gave her a soft peck on the lips.

"Go to bed sweetheart; I'll be back."

* * *

Sesshoumaru's ears were ringing. As if it wasn't bad enough that a large portion of his day was spent unavoidably talking to stupid people, he had also to endure a long lecture from his father about embarrassing the family name with his actions. A large sigh escaped the thin line of his lips, as he took another sip from the wine glass at his side. 

At the time his actions had seemed so obvious, and just. Walking in on a scene like that his reaction was normal, justified, even expected. According to his father however, it was unacceptable.

His thoughts turned back to the moment when Kagome's door opened and revealed the scene within. Inside his mind he tried to force himself to react differently, but he couldn't. No matter how much they or even he himself, tried to convince him that what he had done was wrong, he was sure it was his only option.

Sesshoumaru idly turned his head in the direction of approaching headlights, when the car turned into his driveway he turned away with little more concern than if it had gone right by. Most likely the vehicle belonged to a business associate of his father. Sesshoumaru had been released into his father's custody pending a hearing which left him obliged to do his work out of the house. All day the house had been bustling with one intern idiot after another.

From the second floor balcony his ears pricked up listening to the sound of a sharp knock, followed by footsteps moving to answer it. The sound of voices permeated up from the open door below, but when the guest entered all fell silent.

Sesshoumaru leaned back briefly to steal a last glance at the top of the house down the block. A view obscured by hedge, house, and fence alike left much to the imagination, which was really the last thing Sesshoumaru needed right now. Even though everything seemed dark and still down at her end of the world he wondered where Kagome was and what she was thinking. He pictured her sitting in some dank interrogation room somewhere, and the whole ordeal began to make him sick to his stomach.

He was just starting to stand from his balcony seat when Inuyasha's brash voice rose to his ears. One paper thin eyebrow slid up by a half degree, and despite his best attempts to avoid it, his heart skipped slightly. His mind unavoidably skipping point a and B and racing to Kagome.

Stepping out onto the landing however all hope was again quelled and replaced with the dark resentment he reserved for things that happened in his life over which he had no control. Changing his weight slightly Sesshoumaru eyed the detective with distrust. He was seeing entirely to much of Tokyo's finest today.

"What can I do for you Detective?" Sesshoumaru began, startling the older man's attention to his position above him "I was expecting I would see you again but I didn't think it would be so soon."

The same middle aged detective he had seen earlier that day now stood in his entryway clearing his throat and scuffing his right toe against his left shoe like a nervous kid. When he raised his eyes to meet Sesshoumaru's a lingering guilt Sesshoumaru had not before noticed surfaced there momentarily.

"Take the man's coat, Inuyasha, show some class." Sesshoumaru said blankly to his baffled brother who was still standing in the door way next to detective Tarakeichi. With a gesture of his hand he signaled for the detective to follow him into the adjoining room before calmly walking there himself, ignoring his brothers indignant grunt. There was something unsettling about this visit, and he just wasn't sure what.

"I got an unsettled mind, not to mention stomach, about this whole ordeal. I need something from someone to make this guy go away, and she just isn't giving it to me." The older man began gruffly as the two sank into easy chairs across from one another. His eyes were still basically trained on his feet. "I know you're probably all talked out about this, but I need help on this thing."

Sesshoumaru leaned slowly forward inhaling a forced breath through his slightly parted lips. His mind had already begun to replay the scene before he could even begin to speak.

"You saw her at her worst you know." he began, as the thought rocketed suddenly into his mind. His eyes remained trained on a spot on the floor just in front of him, all the while he spoke.

"Sometimes she can seem so happy and carefree. She would just sit there with me and talk, and smile, and sometimes even laugh, you know. All the while though, I could see it... her innocence slowly slipping away. Especially right after she..." at this he paused looking for the right word, but instead forgot the sentence all together. feeling he'd said enough already.

"Sometimes I wonder what she was like before... before Matsushita I mean." Sesshoumaru chuckled morosely, as he glanced up at his silent companion, the detective was chewing his lower lip nervously and averting Sesshoumaru's gaze.

"I don't understand her." the detective suddenly announced his voice thick with sorrowful anger. "I sat there and offered her freedom, I offered her god damned salvation on a silver platter and she wouldn't move an inch." He placed his face in his hands, and let out a frustrated groan. "I can't live with her blood on my hands."

"What's that supposed to mean." Sesshoumaru asked with mild annoyance, This man had a certain weakness of character that disgusted him.

"I didn't have a choice in the matter, you know. I mean I can only do so much."

"What are you blabbering about?" Sesshoumaru said making his aggravation apparent in his voice.

"The girl. I had to send her home..."

"You bastard." Sesshoumaru whispered through clenched teeth. "I could've protected her. She was safe here with me, you know." He yelled from his new position standing above his overturned easy chair with his back turned away from his startled guest. After taking a deep breath Sesshoumaru calmly lifted his head and turned his accusatory eyes on the detective. His voice had become cold and angry and his eyes lost any sign of forgiveness or understanding they may have ever held.

"Why didn't you let me protect her, you obviously can't"

* * *

The clock that was hanging on the other side of the room ticked at a soft and patient pace. It didn't care for her plight. Time had not, as it seemed, stopped for her. The clock kept ticking, mocking her unmoving form and wilting consciousness. Something deep within her mind ached, and somehow she couldn't remember what had brought it on. Her mind struggled to get control. 

_Tick tick tick_

For some reason she was thinking of her wedding day. Kagome was radiantly smiling out of the mirror at her while standing at her back pulling loose strands of hair to a graceful bun under her delicate veil.

_Tick tick tick_

Somewhere along the line that portrait of her happy daughter, and dream life began to fade away. But she didn't seem to notice when the lines started to blur, or the paint started to run. It took one huge crash to shatter it for her, and the real ugliness beneath to become clear

_Tick tick tick_

Mrs. Matsushita shrugged with her memories for a second looking for the one that would remind her why her vision was blurry, why there was blood in her eyes.

'_I'm forgetting Something again... He lied to me, I trusted him before her... trusted him with our lives... and, and then..._' A choked cry and a sob reached her silence filled ears as a sudden ache surged throughout her entire body from her brain to her toes. An image had finally flashed back to her mind.

_'His fists were like concrete -- Why wouldn't he stop hitting me? -- I trusted him.'_ words were overlapping over each other in her brain as it all came rushing back.

The former Mrs. Higurashi forced her ears to strain for any more sound from the other rooms whilst her chapped lips parted slightly in an effort to force a sticky whisper from her swollen throat.

"Kagome?"

"The first day I saw you I knew you would be trouble. That no amount of trying could ever teach you to be better. But I tried, Kami help me I put forth the effort. I let you live in my house, let things slide so often, punished you only when you were at your worst. I was always too easy on you that's what it is." His words were so loud and abrasive that Kagome felt if she leaned even the slightest inch forward she would be able to smell the sour stink of his breath.

While the darkness of the closet swallowed up the distance between them feet became no more then inches. In her mind he was hovering over her holding her to the spot, not pounding on one of the two doors that lay between he and her.

Kagome took in her third deep breath, praying to every god the moment gave her time to. This was it, she knew there was no time left for indecision. She had to make a choice and that choice would dictate the rest of her life. Mainly whether or not she would have one.

Kagome noticed a thin sheen of sweat on the doorknob, where her clammy palm stuck. The cold metal held no reassurance, she knew the door could not withstand her stepfathers intrusion. She let the closet door slide open a fraction of an inch just in time to witness the topmost hinge on the bedroom door pop free. Soon the others would follow.

'Oh Kami, I don't want to die, I'll be good, I'll behave, I won't...' A sob escaped as Kagome saw the second hinge begin to bend and snap, surely the door would break the bottom most hinge on it's own, crumbling under his force, like so many other things in her life had done.

Kagome's mind went suddenly blank. She always thought about one thing or another and it pulled her through, but now suddenly nothing would come. For an instant all she could feel were the electric impulses that made up the movements in her body as she turned like a trapped animal and relied solely on primal instincts. With no more time to hide, she ran for her life.

She paused on the brink of leaping one knee gingerly resting on the windowsill. Everything she had ever been taught told her that it was a bad idea to jump from a third story window, but common sense was losing the battle of wills with her reasonable fear. One last deep breath filled her chest with hope and her body surged forward, just as the door behind her burst open with a slam.

For a millisecond the most distinct weightless, painless freedom of Kagome's young life surrounded and engulfed her... and then the weight of her fall hit her ankle, which snapped under the pressure. Kagome rolled off it instantly, barely realizing she was screaming until she had to stop to take a breath, the pain was unreal.

Her eyes went round, shock clouding her anguish as her tear blurred vision shot quickly from her shattered ankle to the window at which her enraged stepfather stood. Then she began to crawl, her desperate voices in her head returning to the fray egging her on and discouraging her all at once. Her body moved forward like a machine, her fingernails digging into the hardened ground and dragging her forward through the agony.

'All I have to do is get to the end of the yard... I can already see the road, I'm almost safe, I'm almost free.' A mantra of self preservation started playing in her head and drowned out all other thoughts, voices, and pain.

* * *

Sesshoumaru was already out the door before his informant could stand up, he had never had so much reason to run, and yet his knees were wobbling above his straining calves. For every fear that pushed him forward there were three that wanted him to stop, but none that were strong enough to win in the seconds it took him to reach the sprawling lawn of Matsushita Naraku. 

It hurt. He had to close his eyes for a second just to remember to breathe, and he rarely lost his composure. He prayed to every god he thought would listen that when he opened them again, he would have been mistaken. For the first time in his entire life he wanted nothing more than to have been wrong, but when he slowly unlidded his eyes and refocused on the broken body mere feet away from where he stood, he swiftly decided that there were no gods.

Sesshoumaru forced his eyes away from Kagome's lifeless, bloodied face and focused his anger on the attacker, watching him from his position astride her motionless form. Naraku's lips were locked in a sneer, his eyes were cold and merciless, and his hand held a kitchen knife pressed firmly to the tender skin covering Kagome's windpipe.

"I've been expecting you for some reason." Naraku's voice called out scathingly "someone always seems to show up at this point." His lip twitched slightly in what might have been anger, although his manner remained strangely calm.

Sesshoumaru's feet were frozen to the spot, his mind wouldn't stop jumping from half formed thought to hopeless plan but everything screeched to a halt when Kagome's lips parted slightly and he knew for sure she was alive, though part of her was lost.

"No matter" Naraku continued. Unaware of his enemies thought process. "You can watch." Sesshoumaru's feet inched forward slightly.

"Stop" Naraku warned in a cold tone pressing the knife still harder into the delicate neck of the unconscious teen. "She's as good to me dead as she is alive, stay where you are if you don't feel the same." No sooner had the words left his lips when his attention was turned slightly behind Sesshoumaru to the sound of a slamming car door. Sesshoumaru fought the urge to turn his head.

"Drop that knife" A sharp and familiar voice commanded from behind where he stood, as the sound of a caulking gun caused his breath to involuntarily intake.

Naraku returned his eye contact to Sesshoumaru, and flashed what was no less than a mocking grin in his direction. "My Audience just continues to grow and grow." he announced boldly.

"officer" he added smugly "I have the upper hand, so let's not get macho, the only chance she has is..." suddenly his eyes went wide and he fell backward to the ground one hand on the fresh bullet hole in his shoulder.

"Drop that knife..." Detective Tarakeichi repeated "and put your hands behind your head."

With a grunt Naraku was off the ground and charging toward Sesshoumaru, who watched on in shock. The shot was clean straight through the chest this time, and Naraku fell forward suddenly, allowing his lifeless fingers to unclasp the knife.

"This is all your fault" he whispered to the grass inches from Sesshoumaru's feet.


	8. Happiness is Not a Fish

**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:** Stoicstellayahoo.com  
**Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes: **It has been brought to my attention that I accidently named chapter seven the title of Chapter eight... Uh, Sorry... This Chapter owns the ever unusual title of Happiness is not A Fish, which refers to the fact that you can't just go out looking for it and reel it in. It derieved (as do most of the chapter titles) from the lyrics at the begining. Sorry for the confusion... happy reading.  
[""] Spoken  
[''] thought  
[] indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Our Lady of Peace.

* * *

**Happiness and the Fish**  
_"'I'm upset  
Happiness is not a fish  
That you can catch  
Imagination can't resist  
This laziness  
That pins you down get on your knees  
Everyone you meet today  
Is feeling useless & ashamed"_

* * *

**Chapter 8:**_ Happiness is not a Fish_

The rain was sticking to the window like an unsuspecting fly squirming on fly paper. Kagome tried to imagine what rain would look like with little black legs and wings and was therefore pretty much blocking out the other sounds in the room. 

"Higurashi?" a voice gently prodded at her attention. 

"Yes?" She replied softly, not taking her eyes off the heavy raindrop that was quickly escaping the glass surface and becoming part of the pool on the outside sill. That one was stronger than the others. 

"Would you like to share today?" The woman's gentle voice persisted. "We would all like to hear from you." 

Kagome allowed her eyes to scan the circle of girls. None of them looked eager, or very much like they wanted her to share. Some looked angry, some bored, and a few undeniably ashamed. One girl even stared at Kagome with eyes that desperatly pleaded every other pair they met to do nothing that even resembeled "sharing." None however, looked like they would very much like to hear from her. 

"I'd like to pass today." Kagome said finally, turning her gaze to her feet. The left was wearing a plain white sock that was getting worn at the end, and threatening to rip just where her big toe was pressing, While the right was bulking with an air splint, which looked to her like some sort of glorified plastic boot, and did nothing whatsoever for the pain. 

"Just one thing and then you may pass" The young counsler insisted gently but firmly. "Tell us how you feel today." Kagome looked up. Making eye contact with only the woman across from her this time. 

"How I feel?" She asked rhetorically, keeping the bitterness toward the question on her tongue, instead of allowing it to seep into the room and drown the other occupants. Unconsciously her finger ran the thin line that scarred her throat and she felt her larynx jump nervously when her mouth finally began to form the words. 

"I feel tired." She choked out, as her throat constricted unexpectedly. "I haven't slept in so long I dream when I'm awake just to fit in all my nightmares." She continued while breathing softly to avoid more sobs. 

"How do I feel?" Kagome demanded again, swallowing hard. "So empty I can never be filled, so weak I don't think I can ever survive, and so... so guilty. You want to know how I feel?" She asked suddenly, looking at her feet again and watching tears she had not realized she was shedding gather on the plastic and roll to the floor. 

"I wish I had died every time I take another breath, because every second I'm alive is one more second that something in my life can and will turn to shit and it's always my fault." 

Before Kagome had even realized the counselor had left her chair she was kneeling in front of her and had Kagome's head laying on her shoulder. The gesture was meant to be comforting, but the emptiness Kagome had been feeling was all consuming, even her pain was dull background noise to her numbness anymore.

* * *

Sesshoumaru was watching a chest which moved up and down at the command of a ventilator through the Plexi-glass which separated him from his enemy. Naraku was in what doctors like to call a persistent vegetative state. Which really meant that he was only alive because the doctors kept him so. His heart was slowly pumping, his lungs were filling with air and depleting again, and his sensory systems still registered painful stimuli, but all other fronts of the brain were inactive. Even this was not enough though to satisfy Sesshoumaru. 

"Surely constant pain is what you deserve..." he whispered quietly watching as the glass his forehead was pressed against fogged and became clear again. "I only wonder if it's painful enough. If it even compares." He turned his body and leaned his head against the glass the other way, looking out into the hall of the bustling hospital. Kagome was in this very hospital somewhere, receiving care from a counseling program for teens from abusive homes, but he wasn't allowed to see her. 

He had come here secretly hoping to catch a glimpse of her, that he could use to replace the image of her broken and unconscious form being lifted into the ambulance that night. But she was on a secure unit and she wasn't allowed visitors for at least another month. 

He was supposed to return to college tomorrow, and assure his father that he would be able to take over the family business without being distracted. So Sesshoumaru knew, that there was a chance, not only would he not see Kagome before he left, but if his father had his way, possibly never again. 

With a sigh Sesshoumaru turned and walked out of the building keeping his eyes on his feet as he went.

* * *

Kagome ran her fingers around the outside of the little paper cup twice before she lifted it to her lips and allowed the little green and gray colored capsules to slide to the back of her tongue and with a swig of water effortlessly down her throat. Happiness in a pill. That was the idea, or at least sedation, the numbness that started in her brain and crept throughout her body like a plague. Having feelings was too stressful. 

The charge nurse walked quietly away pushing her med. cart and Kagome looked back up at the mirror in her room. Her counselor had requested that it be placed there. She thought it was important that Kagome come to terms with her self. 

All four of Kagome's eyes met their respective partners and she stared herself down determinedly, daring her reflection to look away first, and half fearing it might. The scars were enough to make anyone uncomfortable. 

The one ran diagonally from the left side of her nose to the rounding of her jaw line. and the other was about an inch and a half of ripped flesh stretching downward from the right-hand corner of her mouth. The stitches were still in place and the area around them was red and irritated. 

Kagome and her reflection looked away at the same time. She didn't recognize anything about herself anymore, and she didn't want to "come to terms" with it. 

In so many respects things had become clearer, she had realized her mistakes throughout, and even made peace with some of her inner demons, but there was no pill strong enough to kill or even numb the guilt. It owned her like a cheap toy, and threw her effortlessly over the edge every several seconds. 

The counselor, Angel, reminded Kagome in calm tones that she was not to blame. That nothing she could ever have done would give him the right to behave that way, to do such things. The words bounced off her and echoed back in every sentence that was spoken between them. Kagome could say it without breaking a sweat. "I did nothing wrong. I didn't deserve this..." inside she felt nothing. 

she was thinking of her mother again. The soft sad way she would smile when Naraku came home from work, The way she would sit on the very edge of Kagome's bed when she asked her what was wrong, and the silence that consumed their entire relationship. Kagome had let her mother erode away, perched on the edge of that bed waiting like a statue in the sun. If once she had complained, confessed, gave forth even the slightest act of contrition, perhaps it never would have gone so far. Her mother sat there on the bed waiting, waiting for Kagome to tell her tale... and why not? If all of this really was her sin, then did she not owe Penance? 

Kagome's eyes fluttered closed as she leaned even farther back in the small chair. Her mind immediately began playing the same old scenes, as if they had been paused, and just waiting for her to shut off the other distractions that were blocking them out. 

_Her mother was huddled on the floor crying... Heavy feet hit a stone still body again and again... Oceans of blood stained spotless hardwood floors and ridiculously expensive rugs.   
SCENE CHANGE   
The inside of the closet door had little knots and imperfections. inanimate objects seemed to be shaking with fear... Solid metal hinges bent as if under enormous weight and popped off entirely... her own feet moved somehow beneath a sea of scrambling body parts.   
SCENE CHANGE  
A cold white metal ceiling reflected images too far off to decipher... sea's of faces with masks and glasses conferred loudly in intelligible code... lights seemed to flash from everywhere and everything.   
and then  
there was just Kagome. _

_She was staring up at herself from the surface of a cool water. The reflection girl smiled at her, but there was something empty about it. Her eyes were full of scorn and rage. All to late Kagome noticed the expression changing from a smile to a smirk as the flesh upon her face began to crack and peel. _

_"It's all your fault" the rotting face taunted, but not so loud so that Kagome could hear it from this distance. She could just make out her lips moving, as the ground raced up behind her quickly. She had already fallen what looked like miles away. _

"Ouch" Kagome suddenly cried, rubbing her back a little, but making no effort to stand up from the spot on the floor where she had just fallen. She stared at the ceiling until everything looked like a blurry formless blob, without any sensible shape. But she darn't close her eyes again.

* * *

There were Ceiling tiles... 142 of them, at her last count (although she knew she had counted some of them more than once and probably a good deal of them more than twice... she kept count anyway, always remembering the number that she left off on, and holding it in her memory as unequivocal fact). The ceiling tiles were all she had to cling to at the moment, and she did. She clung to them like a cat to a tree branch, waiting patiently to fall because she was afraid to try to climb any higher lest she fall from there anyway. 

"Mrs. Matsushita?" a calm voice drifted in from somewhere below ceiling tile number ten. 

"I'd prefer Higurashi... if you don't mind." she heard her own voice respond although she hardly registered a thought process to go along with it, nor even her lips moving to allow the sound to escape. The ceiling tiles changed position over her head as she shifted her body slowly taking 1-10 out of view entirely as she welcomed 50-60 into her line of sight. Neurons were firing in her brain and she was deftly processing them, everything else in the world was still and silent. 

"Ms. Higurashi..." The patient voice corrected and then paused again as if expecting further rebuking. When no response came at all it continued. 

"There's a miss Senaka here to see you." 

"Oh" Mrs. Higurashi let fall thoughtlessly from her lips as she continued to count _143, 144, 145 _in her mind. 

"Hello Mrs. Higurashi. My name is Miss Senaka, and there are a few things I would like to discuss with you." A polite but firm voice broke in from somewhere in the area below tile 11 or 12. 

"Can you please look at me ma'am?" 

"No" was Mrs. Higurashi whispered response as the tiles in her view wavered slightly and then disappeared all together succumbing to her closing eyelids. 

"Mrs. Higurashi, I'm well aware of the impropriety of my timing, but I really must conduct a personal inquiry into..." she paused in what was obviously a well oiled speech and changed her voice to a much franker tone. 

"Listen, While Dr. Matsushita had a rather extensive life insurance policy through his work his beneficiary can not receive funds if he is killed during -- or as a result of -- injuries incurred while participating in illegal acts..." The voice paused obviously expecting some sort of a reaction. After getting none she continued. 

"Look lady..." she went on taking a sharp turn away from frank and directly to frustrated. "I'm a hospital legal advisor, Your husbands estate is all tied up until someone pulls the plug or until it falls under the control of his brother, who is his estate executor, meanwhile his life insurance policy is null and void. Do you understand what I am saying to you, Mrs. Higurashi?" There was another small pause during which Higurashi willed her head to lift and began to open her eyes. 

"You can't afford to stay here any longer. I have your discharge papers ready for your signature." the tall lawyer with fire red hair finished with a sigh. Mrs. Higurashi watched her with interest, thinking about nothing in particular.

* * *

It was 3:00 o'clock in the afternoon on her first visitor day. Kagome had expected her mother to come today and in fact she had almost been dreading it; she just wasn't sure that she could face her mother. Even so, when she took the call and found out that her mother couldn't make it in to see her, it stung deep down inside, in a place Kagome hadn't even realized she could still feel pain. 

Kagome had not spoken to her mother in roughly a month, so the fact that Mrs. Higurashi had left the Matsushita estate and was living back at the shrine in a very different part of the city was a little bit of a shock. Nothing seemed to fit back together where she left it. Her mother was working as a waitress at a local cafe and going to school to become a teacher. She was changing her life around completly and she didn't have time for her daughter any longer, not until Saturday, anyway: she just couldn't get the time off from her new job or from school, to the lonely hospital. 

Kagome released a small sigh as she glanced at the clock again; the second hand was jolting slowly around it almost mockingly, there was still 120 hours left until her mother was going to come see her, and every minute dragged on like it lasted a day. 

She let her mind wander as she turned her attention away from the clock and back onto the mirror in front of her. The red and itchy stitches had been taken out and the open wounds had all healed over as far as they ever would. There were still two very large scars on her face, and one on her throat, but they had long since turned white and began to fade into her normal perception of herself. 

Kagome ran her pointer finger along the thin white line that extended from the corner of her mouth, remembering the intense pain that brought it to her. Her eyes flickered closed as she watched the white hot memories playing inside her head, and she couldn't help but think of him. 

"Sesshoumaru." she whispered allowed as she opened up her eyes. _'I wonder what he's doing now.'_

He barely noticed he was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel until he suddenly stopped and the silence began echoing in his ears. Sesshoumaru didn't know how long he had been sitting in his car; the clock face had been blankly staring at him since he removed the keys from the ignition. 

He rubbed the finger he had been tapping idly as he imagined what he could possibly have to say to the girl he couldn't get out of his mind every second of the past month. The problem was: he tried to picture her in any other condition, dressed in his shorts and T-shirt lounging about his dorm room, sitting on his bathroom floor with those little pouting tears the first day they met, even the terrified look she gave him before the police drug him away that night that seemed a life time ago... but none of those images would come. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was her broken body that lay bleeding on the ground without a sign of life or breath. No other image of Kagome would come no matter how hard he tried, and his mind no matter how often he tried to tell it otherwise refused to believe that she was all right. 

He released his breath in one big sigh steeling himself for the great burst of energy it would take him to really open the car door and make his way into that hospital. Running situation after situation through his mind, trying to just picture one that could end even partially well, he pulled the door handle and stepped out onto the curb. 

"I am a rich and powerful man." quietly escaped from his lips, as he watched his well polished shoes walk in through the sliding glass doors. _'but,none of that ever mattered when it came to Kagome.' _

For a split second Sesshoumaru stood poised on the first landing his hamstring tensed all ready to lift his leg onto the first step of the next stairwell. But he was suddenly wrought with an enexplicable desire to turn around, go back to his car, and drive as far away as his tank of gas would take him. 

_'perhaps everything that ever could have been said between the two of us has been. Perhaps there is nothing else.'_

Defiantly though he pushed on. Refusing to face any reality that left him as a coward, no matter how foolish the other option may be. 

Sesshoumaru approached a set of very heavy doors with a big metal handle. To the right of the doors, jutting out from the ceiling, was a surveillance camera, below which was a little red button labeled **Push For Assistance.** He placed his finger firmly on the button, feeling it press in, but not hearing or seeing any sign of assistance right away. After several seconds, a buzzer sounded and he heard the door click as it unlocked. 

Behind a very sterile looking white counter sat a tired and stern looking woman; she looked at him half interestedly, pausing with her pen poised inches from the next word she was about to write on the folder in front of her. 

"Can I help you with _Something"_ she drawled after a second of impatient waiting for him to tell her his business. 

"Yes, I'm looking for Higurashi Kagome" he replied in a dignified, yet somewhat condescending voice. undeterred by his tone, the desk nurse casually pointed down the hall to her right. 

"It's room #7..." The woman smiled wryly as she returned her eyes to his "if you get to # 8 you've gone to far." 

_'what a miserable piece of work this woman is.'_ the already annoyed Sesshoumaru thought as he turned to go down the hall. He could hear her pen already moving on the page and knew she was disinterested in any ulterior intentions Sesshoumaru might have had. _'What a place!'_

Kagome sometimes thought that if she concentrated all her energy on an object she could move it with her mind. You know, like maybe she had the dormant capability for telekinesis but she just never realized her true potential before. As of yet it had not worked. That's why when during this particular attempt of mental doorknob turning the doorknob actually began to turn, Kagome almost screamed out loud. When you spend a lot of time by yourself, you start to get jumpy. 

Had Sesshoumaru known all this, he may not have gotten that taken aback look in his eyes when she threw her hands to her mouth and gasped so loud that she caused herself a fit of coughs. Her throat aching from the excursion and her eyes watering slightly, Kagome almost smacked herself for the greeting. Here was her visitor, her white knight come to rescue her from her monotiny and the first thing she does is offend him. _'I really can't catch a break, can I._' she thought with a mental sigh. 

_'I can do this... Casual'_ Kagome decided trying to seem aloof. She made a little wave with her hand, and opened her mouth to say "Hi" but all she managed was a little Squeek where the word should have been. And then before she knew it she was hugging him. 

His body was stiff and tense toward her sudden outburst of affection. Wrapping her arms as tight as she could get them around his own she could feel every muscle in his shoulders and chest begin to slowly loosen and relax. She buried her head in his shirt and cried quiet joyful tears, not wanting to open her eyes and find he was never really there at all. 

'_Okay that was casual._' she praised pulling herself away to look in his eyes. They were soft but stern, just the way she always remembered them to be. Oceans of fury and sadness rippling beneath a golden translucent lid, a cover to be shown to the world. 

"I thought for so long I would never see you again." he whispered lifting a single finger up to wipe the tears collecting beneath her eyes. "It's amazing... with all the obstacles that seemed to want to stop me from even trying that I ever even made it here at all." Kagome stepped back from the embrace, not really sure what to do with words he had given her to digest. 

"Why did you come then?" she replied finally, looking at her own wriggling toes. 

"I had to." he said "I couldn't stop thinking about you." Kagome took another retreating step away from him without taking her eyes from the floor. Suddenly an unexplainable fire was lit within her chest. She was just so angry with Sesshoumaru and she didn't know why. 

"Well have you sated your curiosity?" she barked harshly, letting her head fling up suddenly and meeting his eyes. He didn't respond. 

"Well?" She persisted "you know your obligations to me are over so you can stop worrying." she shot out, in a quieter but no less harsh voice. 

"Are you crazy?" Sesshoumaru shot back defensively, stepping forward to take her back into the previous embrace. His motion was stopped by her hand on his chest pushing him away with a small yet effective shove. 

"obviously." Kagome snorted pushing her bangs back over her head with a thoughtless swipe of her hand. "I don't need your pity though..." 

"Wait, just a minute!" he began again in an angry defensive tone. "It's not like that." he added in calmer tone, trying to explain. His hand reached forward to smooth her hair. But Kagome's anger was not placated so easily, and she caught his wrist swiftly in her palm. 

"What is it like then?" she spat, with raw disbelief. 

"I never pitied you." he said earnestly, pulling his wrist free from her grasp and turning his back to her. She watched his silver hair bounce back and forth as he walked toward the door. Sesshoumaru turned back to her before he touched the knob, his eyes burning with passion and fury, the likes of which she had never seen there before. "I thought I loved you, but I don't even really know you do I?" he said coldly his hand on the knob. 

The bottom fell out of the room. Kagome reached out for anything to hold onto. The first thing she grabbed was a little framed certificate. Something that her counselor had "awarded" her. It made a satisfying crash against the door. 

"You obviously don't" she screamed at the long gone visitor. In minutes every glass object in the room was smashed against the adjacent wall, and Kagome was just crumbled there by her bed staring at it. She couldn't help but feel like it was just some metaphor for her life: A mess she made without meaning to that she'd never really get completely cleaned up. Ten years from now someone would walk into this room and step on a sliver of glass. She'd always be causing someone pain; It was inevitable.

* * *

**Post chapter Author's Note: **_So what are you thinking? Grasping for something to throw at me yet? Well only one more chapter left so... we're down for the count. I wonder how this thing is going to end..._ oh yeah, don't forget to review. 


	9. All That Shimmers

**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:**   
**Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes:**I hated writing this chapter so please excuse the wait. I never, and I put the emphasis on never, want to finish things that I write. I fall in love with my characters, fall in love with my concepts, throughly begin to enjoy the process of it all, and I can't bring myself to take the final bow. Luckily I was feeling a lot of pressure from my readers and I took the hint. So here it is in all it's glory, The closing act!  
[""] Spoken  
[''] thought  
[] indicates a change of point of view within individual sections. (these will be pretty apparent though -- at least I should think)  
**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Song lyrics belong to Fuel.

* * *

**Shimmer**  
_"'She calls me from the cold  
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable  
And all that she intends  
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label  
She says that she's ashamed  
And can she take me for awhile  
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past  
But maybe I'm not able"_

* * *

**Chapter 9:**_ All That Shimmers_

"It's not as difficult as you try to make it, Kagome" Her Counselor soothed calmly watching the agitated teen look out the window into the outside world. "You put one foot in front of the other..." 

"But I can't go out _There_" Kagome finished with an exaggerated flourish, waving a hand at the window leading to the sunny outside street, before sitting back down smiling halfheartedly at her own ridiculousness. 

She could see her mom striding confidently up the walkway, having long since buried the horror of their shared past. Her hair was bobbed in a popular cut, her clothes were new, though Kagome knew she really couldn't afford them, and even from this distance she could see the smile etched into her mothers face. Mama always, _Seemed_ to be happy, even before. 

"I forgot what it was like to live out there, Angel. How can I wake up in the morning, like nothing happened, go to school everyday, look strangers in the eyes? I don't think I'm ready... Send her away." 

Angel smiled brightly at Kagome's nervous proclamation. It had taken a long time to pry Kagome out of her shell even a little bit, for months she was in a perfect denial admitting only facts that could be irrefutably proven. Kagome was a lost ship, not looking for a port. The fact that she could so readily claim her reluctance to go back to that life was proof that she was ready to leave the secluded hospital world she'd been living in. 

"Come on honey," Angel whispered soothingly "You have my number, and you'll have your grandfather, and your mother, we'll all make sure that you get through this. I know your strong." She knelt down and hugged Kagome gently helping her stand just as her mother got to the doorway. 

"Ms. Higurashi! You look well" Angel exclaimed with a smile. Reaching out to shake hands with Kagome's apparently ecstatic mother. 

"I am, thank-you" Kagome's mom announced, with slightly more fervor than was at all necessary. "You ready, sweetheart?" She added, to her daughter, who was shuffling her feet and looking at the floor. 

"You're gonna do great!" Angel informed her squeezing her shoulders in a little half hug. 

_'It must be true'_ Kagome thought Sarcastically _'Everyone is so sure but me.'_

* * *

A large black bird was circling the sky above, though Inuyasha could only see it every quarter of it's cycle. This was supposed to be a bad omen of sorts, and he had mentally already decided to cancel his trip. He let his eyes drift casually over to the girl across the table from him, watching the bird out the window as well. For some reason he couldn't help but think of the first time he'd ever saw Kagome. She was stubbornly trying to carry a huge box by herself across the front lawn, and later he found out up three flights of stairs. Her long black hair had been blowing carelessly in the breeze, covering her eyes and tripping her up occasionally. This had been the girl from a distance he thought had been Kikyou... but no, Kagome was always Kagome. 

"What are you thinking about, Inu-chan" he wrinkled his nose in distaste at her pet name but didn't respond right away. 

"Bad Omens" he admitted finally letting out a little sigh and standing from the breakfast table. 

"hmmm" she replied, half knowingly and half questioningly. Though Inuyasha was sure she knew what he meant, he also knew she wouldn't let him off without an explanation. 

"How can I walk up to her... Face her? All that time I was supposed to be her friend and I never knew... I never even guessed, and my stupid brother, who has a heart made out of asphalt... he's the one that _Comforts_ her. She hates me." He finished his ashamed babble by banging his forehead against the windowpane, and didn't even flinch when he felt Kikyou's comforting hand touch his shoulder. She was humming soothingly as she leaned her head against his back and hugged him from behind. 

"She didn't want you to know, and at the time she was probably relived that you didn't. And now she more than likely blames herself." she paused lifting her head from his shoulder blade and badeing him to turn around with a silent pull of his arm. "Inuyasha." She continued sternly "If you don't go to see her today, she'll probably blame herself too, but it will be your own fault."

* * *

Inuyasha would come today, sit across the table with guilt swimming behind his concerned eyes. He would try to make amends, he would try to pretend everything was the same, and he would fail. Kagome could feel his imminent failure like a knife to her heart, and she wanted to pull it out and bleed to death, only it was yet to even stab her. 

Her legs were crossed at the ankles in a semi dainty pose in front of her chair, and she appeared to be looking at them, but really she was looking through them, and beyond them. Her tired eyes longed only to see a lame movie, a bag of popcorn, and her easy going, bad tempered, ill mannered best friend. But if Kagome knew one thing for sure through any of this, it was that nothing, no matter how much she sought it to be could ever go back to the way it was... before. 

A ratty looking car was puttering up the drive of the shrine, and she knew without looking up from her sightless stare, that it was Inuyasha. Inuyasha hated that car, he had insisted on buying Kikyou a new one time and time again... even before the accident, but she always refused. He had spoken of it fondly once, when Kikyou was still asleep. He had told Kagome how, he had gone to a dealership signed the paperwork, got the keys, and brought them in a ring box to her door. Kikyou never liked extravagant gifts, and she refused to take it. 

"She said 'her cars got _Personality_'" he had scoffed, but Kagome knew that it was just those kind of things that made him love her so much. The things in her personality that his up bringing just wouldn't allow him to understand. 

Kagome found herself smiling at her feet that Kikyou had convinced him to ride in it. He always said he wouldn't and when it came to Kikyou, he usually lied. 

When she finally let her eyes glide across the front walk to the four feet walking up it, Kagome's smile only widened. Despite her previous anxiety, and fear, and dread heavy as a brick in her stomach she suddenly felt like if she didn't tether herself down she might float away. Before she could talk herself into changing her mind she had thrown caution to the wind, bounded down the walk and thrown her arms around Inuyasha's neck. 

"I almost didn't realize how much I missed you, until I saw your face, just now." she whispered into his shoulder not breaking the hug for several seconds. He was long past uncomfortable by then, but she felt light and happy. Kagome was sure that if she looked in the mirror right then and there her smile would be bright enough to blind her. 

"Come on!" she commanded, taking both Inuyasha and Kikyou by a hand and pulling them firmly down the walk, toward the little table at which she had previously been sitting. 

"Tell me everything," she continued, for once feeling as chipper as she was behaving. "I hear the two of you are engaged now?" 

Kikyou smiled abashedly, holding up her hand to show off the shimmering ring upon her finger, Inuyasha grinned a self satisfied little grin but didn't speak until he could wipe it away. 

"She didn't want such an _expensive_ ring of course, but when I threatened to crazy glue it to her finger in her sleep, she finally agreed." He lavished, ending the sentence with a half admiring half frustrated little 'feh'. 

"I only thought something smaller might..." Kikyou started to explain. 

"I think it's perfect." Kagome interrupted assuringly taking her hand and eyeing the medium sized diamond engagement ring. "It's beautiful!" 

"I heard about you and my brother..." Inuyasha, announced briskly changing the subject as he looked at his toes for approval. 

"oh?" Kagome goaded, with apparent nonchalance, "Anything, I should know about?" Kikyou cracked a little smile at this, as she pulled her hand back into her lap. 

Kagome kept the smile on her face, even when Inuyasha chanced a look, up at her and she saw the dreaded emotion in his eyes. She smiled, even though it hurt, and she told herself she could wish the pain away. 

"I hear, your relationship has turned cold." he stated, letting his eyes speak the rest of his concerns. He wanted her to explain why she couldn't indulge Sesshoumaru's Knight in Shimmering armor routine. He wanted so badly to understand how a relationship steeped in tragedy could be ruined by good fortune. And she wanted to be able to explain it to him, but she couldn't find the words. So she just looked at her hands. 

"I have never seen him so sullen before, Kag" he continued in earnest "You were the one thing in his life, that might have put bounce in his step, might've induced a smile. Everything else was for the good of progression. You were tying him to the here and now." 

"Well, now he's un-tethered" Kagome interjected, halfheartedly playing with her hands on the table. 

"Well, if you ask me he belonged here on earth with the rest of us." Inuyasha said, with a sense of finality that signaled the end of the conversation, and Kagome let it drop. She knew that Inuyasha would never understand, all that shimmers in this world was sure to fade.

* * *

The phone rang three times before he even glanced at it. Term papers used to write themselves, now he put everything into them, he thought about things that he never used to think about before: the variety of ways he could phrase things, the extent of research for each paragraph, the credentials of every single source. Sesshoumaru's free thoughts weren't really his own anymore, so in the back of his mind, he wanted another project to always be lurking, circumventing his path to thinking about her. 

At the fourth ring he dropped his pencil near the keyboard and padded across the carpet to the receiver. 

"Yamamoto" he replied calmly, still thinking about whether or not Dr. so and so really had any business in commenting on the subject to begin with. He secretly suspected the lot of them were just blowing hot air. 

"Sesshoumaru?" a breathy voice, erupted from the speaker. "I... I..." it stuttered and then fell silent. 

"Higurashi?" he asked blindly, fearing he had imagined the voice was her, and not daring to sound too hopeful. 

"I..." the girl began with a stutter again before simply replying "Yes." 

"What's the matter?" he asked suddenly, a new sense of worry entering his mind. Calls from Kagome in the middle of the night, concern, comforting, and in the end powerlessness. This was all too familiar. 

"I want you to know." She said finally, after several seconds had ticked painfully by. "That I'm sorry. The things I said... that was my insecurity... I understand if you hate me... but" her last word flitted hopefully on the dead receiver. 

"but?" he prodded finally unable to take the suspense. 

"I want us to be friends again." She finished boldly, obviously having exhausted herself, trying to say just the right thing. But it was not right... not to him anyway. He'd rather not have ever seen her again at all the way he had been anticipating, then hear this side of the story. 

"I forgive you." he stated plainly. "As for being your friend... I just don't think I want to. Nothing personal..." he wanted to go on, make her taste the feeling of rejection she had just spoon fed him. But the line cut out, and he didn't feel like talking to dead air. 

Kagome thought that he could be her Inuyasha. That he could forget the past, all of it. And be a friend. He knew he was being selfish. Knew she needed to move forward, needed people to dedicate time to making her better. 

But at this point he didn't think he was able.

* * *

The phone felt like a rock in the palm of her hand, and she couldn't figure out why she had lifted it from the phone booth in the first place. The Rain outside the Plexiglas, poured and streaked, but inside her little booth, she could stay safe and sound. Nothing, but the words of the man she kept telling herself she didn't love, could hurt her here. 

Somehow though that was enough. 

Kagome's head swum with distant thoughts of love and life, all the things she had fought for, 'recovered' for. She felt them washing away with the warm summer rain. 

"I can't leave it like this." A steady voice declared within the small room. A voice that Kagome often kept deep inside, a voice that believed in hope and happy endings and in the general goodness of people. Kagome had almost forgotten that voice was there, had thought that it was destroyed completely, had forgotten how much she had been holding it back. 

Her hand shakily went to her damp bangs pushing them over her forehead and flattening them against her skull. She was suddenly determined not to let him go, not to let everything in her life be ruined by that stretching painful silence and the explosion in it's wake. 

The warm rain soaked her already dampened hair, and trickled through the hole in her collar sticking the material fast to her back like wallpaper paste. She fought to keep her eyes parted against the insistent downpour, the water burned and stung but she didn't pause to wipe at her eyes. She was searching street signs, counting buildings that didn't have their number in plain sight, trying to remember the exact address from the phone book directory. From the corner she could see a man standing in a window, looking down at the street below, and for a second she was filled with a sort of hollow hope in the pit of her stomach. Sesshoumaru was watching her, waiting for her to come. 

Kagome held her breath and passed that building without pausing, counting doors, leaning on stoops to try to see addresses, and wading through what was quickly becoming a flood. Just when she was about to quash that delicate hope she had fought to build up, she saw him. Coming out of a building with a casual elegance, not noticing her, nor looking for her. His eyes were turned in the opposite direction, and his head almost completely obscured by an umbrella. And for a moment Kagome's voice froze, the way it had on the phone. Her tongue was tripping over all the syllables, her voice wouldn't rise above a whisper, and Sesshoumaru was walking away. 

And Suddenly the hopeful voice was desperate. "Wait!" Kagome yelled, feeling him slip away forever the further he glid in the opposite direction. 

Sesshoumaru stopped in his tracks, not turning around at first, he seemed to have just paused, waiting until his next foot decided to move forward again. Time was still slipping away like sand through her hands. 

"Wait!" Kagome demanded again, this time in a quieter voice. "I want to... to talk to you" 

She could see his heels begin to turn, his calves, his waist, his shoulders. Everything seemed to be running in a painfully slow, slow-motion. She could feel the shaking of her knee's sending tremors through the ground. Soon the street around her would be rubble. 

"What is it." he replied calmly. His voice cool, unmarred by emotion, and his face apathetic. There was no more room in his heart for emotion anymore, Kagome realized, she had destroyed his capacity to love her. 

"I..." She started, stumbling suddenly forward with the lurching movement of her knees, and falling into his arm beneath the sudden dry warmth of the umbrella. 

"I..." Kagome whispered again, feeling suddenly naked without the cover of rain hiding her streaming tears, feeling suddenly foolish, and also slightly faint. A fine panic was rising inside her head, as she realized all the bad responses he could give to the questions she had wanted to pose him. Suddenly she didn't think she was strong enough to fight for his affection. Kagome held her breath and let her eyes drift closed as her body gave in to her knees and slumped to the ground.

* * *

It had been so similar, so familiar, he almost forgot that things had changed so much between them. Her body had been frail, and freezing, and she had shivered in her sleep in his arms. And when he wrapped her snugly in a towel, carefully removing her wet clothing while trying to leave her with her decency, his fingertips seemed to remember all the right moves on their own. 

Kagome curled into his body, and the warm clothes he had dressed her in, sleeping off the emotional fatigue and the sickness from the rain. And Sesshoumaru just held her there, pressing her head gently to his chest and smoothing her hair with his free hand, all other engagements forgotten. This was the side of Kagome he had been missing the most, the innocent, vulnerable, girl who he had to protect, no matter how selfish that made him. 

"Why do you keep running away from me?" he whispered, his hand resting gently, on her forehead, beneath her drying bangs. But she only responded with a whimper, as she curled farther into his embrace and away from whatever dream assailant ailed her. 

Sesshoumaru slowly bent his head foreword, while pulling her higher in his embrace, so that his lips were less than an inch from the curve of her earlobe. 

"You're safe now." he whispered, turning his head to trace the line of her neck with his breath and leave a single, feather light kiss upon her hairline. 

"I love you, Sesshoumaru" she responded with a small smile as she snuggled deeper in his chest, with no sign of waking. 

"I love you too." was his whispered reply, so quiet that she probably wouldn't have heard it had she been awake, though he needn't have worried of that.

* * *

They sat across the breakfast table from each other, the events of the previous night a distant memory. One riddled with embarrassment and self ridicule for Kagome, but not a topic of conversation. Kagome poked an egg with her fork disinterestedly, as she spoke. 

"Mama wants us to be a family again" she relished "she wants us to _forget_ about the past, pretend it never happened. Mama wants us to move forward and she thinks my _recovery_ is _holding_ us back." 

"I think" Sesshoumaru, replied quietly setting his hand upon her own to stop her fork from moving anymore "that your mother is ashamed, and your suffering is a constant reminder of her guilt. I don't think she wants to forget, I think she wants to be forgiven." 

"That's what Angel said." Kagome blurted, looking at Sesshoumaru suddenly as if it was the first time she laid eyes on him. 

"Smart woman." he replied with a little quirk of his lip, before standing from the table. 

"Gather your things, and I'll drive you home." He added in a much firmer tone of voice. 

"Wait." Kagome demanded, her mind, suddenly filled with panic as she remembered why she was here. 

"I need to talk to you, I need to understand." She pleaded looking up at him like a lost child who never thought they would see home again. 

"What is it?" he asked with a sigh that spoke of imaginary impatience and feigned disgust. 

"You..." she stuttered, "you said you didn't want to be my friend now you're sending me away and I know it's all my fault and I want to make it right but I can't turn back time and I can't take back the things I've put you through" The words burst from her in one desperate strain, for she dared not even pause for a breath, in case she found she couldn't start speaking again. 

"Kagome," he whispered, getting down on his knees in an uncharacteristically submissive pose in front of her. "I lied to you all those months ago... at the hospital." he continued in the same soft tone taking her face into his hands and wiping away the tears with his thumbs as they formed. 

"what... what..." she stuttered, choking on her repressed sobs. 

"I told you that I thought I loved you, but that was a lie." He said, his voice hinting at emotions Kagome somehow couldn't make her mind decipher. 

"I knew... and I still do. It isn't fair to you I realize, but I can't forget that all and just be your loyal friend. I can't do that, because... Because I love you." he said kissing the hands that had reached up and clasped his own. 

"I... I..." she began the words escaping her as they had done so often recently. "I was so scared," she finished burying her head in his shoulder and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. 

"I thought... I thought you hated me." she whispered into his hair refusing to release the embrace. 

"never" he replied letting his fingers entwine in her hair, and making no move to escape the position.

* * *

Kagome crossed and uncrossed her legs, running her upper teeth along her bottom lip, but not biting down. Her eyes were focused on the window although she didn't really see it, she was deep in thought about the question that had been posed to her. 

"Kagome" Angel persisted. "Do you think, the love you feel for him is real, that it's not a misplaced emotion between the two of you." 

Kagome was giving her question fair thought, because she learned that Angel's questions couldn't be dismissed. And in fact shouldn't be. 

"I think" Kagome replied meeting Angel's eyes and displaying a god honest smile "that we are going to be very happy together for a long time to come!"

* * *

**Final Post Chapter Author's Note:**_So that's it, Happy enough ending for ya'll. I think I am going to be putting out a chapter after this with bonus features on it. You know like when you buy A dvd, and it has deleted scenes, and director's commentary, and such. Well at any rate send me your comments, and possibly your questions, and if I do put that chapter out I can address them there. But for all intents and purposes this story is over, case closed, move along there's nothing to see here. See you when I someday update one of my other stories, S.c. _


	10. Bonus outline, deleted scenesetc

**Title:** All I Really Want  
**Author:** Stoicstella **E-mail:** **Rating:** R (definitely)  
**Summary:** Since her mother married Naraku, Kagome bears the cross of her violent home life in silence. To whom could she turn anyway?  
**Author Notes:**This is seriously a long time in coming especially since I had very little trouble writing it, in the past I just was having a very hard time writing anything... I hope this let's everyone get a taste of the juices flowing once more. If you have further questions about the story, or about the pending sequel go ahead and drop me an e-mail or ask in a review and leave your e-mail so I can respond. happy reading.  
**Disclaimer:** Although the original characters do and always will belong to Rumiko Takahashi, the views and assesments found here are the opinions of Stella, and that should be kept in mind.

* * *

**This is not another Chapter**  
_Bear in mind kids, it's been fun but if you are looking for more, you are looking in the wrong place, this is your last warning._

* * *

**Table of Contents:**

Section one----- The original Plot Outline  
Section Two----- deleted Scenes  
Section Three--- Character and plot analysis (Aka: the director's commentary)  
Section Four---- The sneak preview of the sequel

* * *

**Section one**  
The original Plot Outline

Items marked Italic did not get mentioned in the actual story at all items marked bold happened at a different time or in another chapter.

* * *

**All I Really Want** _(Main plot points:)_

**ALL I REALLY WANT--1**  
-Kagome's mother marries Naraku (scary?)  
-Naraku demonstrates inappropriate feelings for Kagome (is this ooc?)  
Side story:  
-Kagome is friends with Inuyasha  
-Inuyasha dated Kikyou, she got into a car accident and is in a comma.  
-Inuyasha kind of develops feelings for Kagome, but Kikyou starts to get better, he is conflicted? (is this too soap operaish?)  
-Sesshoumaru is in college-- his quiet reserved self, still Inuyasha's half brother and all that goes along with that as well.  
-through Inuyasha Kagome meets Sesshoumaru  
-sesshys home for Christmas break.  
-Kagome has issue with Naraku  
-Kagome wants to talk to Inuyasha... Inuyasha is at the hospital with Kikyou  
-Kagome doesn't want to tell Sesshoumaru anything  
-likewise he demonstrates little interest  
-She however doesn't want to go home (obviously)  
-They get into an argument.  
-Kagome locks herself in the bathroom to cry.  
-Bad roads prevent them from returning from the hospital that night  
-Sessh neglects to inform his brother of Kagome's presence.  
-Sesshoumaru talks to Kagome through the bathroom door.  
-a little softer, and nicer  
-just short of apologizes.  
-they eat and talk together.  
-Kagome doesn't tell sessh about Naraku.  
-She goes home the next day.

* * *

**CONCRETE ANGEL--2**

-Sesshoumaru begins to develop feelings for Kagome.  
-Kagome liked Sesshoumaru, forgave Sessh and even enjoyed his company but is a little caught up in her life.  
-Naraku goes to far.  
-Kagome runs away.  
-Kagome can't think of where to go.  
-Kikyou has since awoken  
-Inuyasha seems to be avoiding her.  
-Her mother won't understand.  
-she has no real close friends.  
-(sorry Sango and Miroku no dice.)  
-Kagome goes to Sesshoumaru's school.  
-she is badly beaten and disheveled.  
-refuses to tell him extent of what happened  
-who hurt her.  
-she refuses to let him get her help.  
-she begs him to let her stay with him.  
-he eventually agrees.  
-they spend time together _(perhaps we can give a whole chapter over to mindless fluff... I'm a fan of this approach.)_

* * *

**WHAT'S THE POINT--3**

-Missing posters begin to go up.  
-Kagome's "worried parents" appear on the news.  
-A reward is offered for her safe return.  
-Sesshoumaru demands to know what happened.  
-she says she just can't tell him.  
-he won't except that.  
-she leaves his apartment  
-she is discovered by some police  
-she is forced to go home  
-her bruises have healed.  
-she is labeled a typical run away.  
-Stuff goes from bad to worst... as soon as she is back.  
-Naraku convinces her mother she needs some punishment for running off.  
-Naraku uses this as an excuse to get Kagome alone.  
-He tries to rape her (not the first attempt.)  
-She attempts to get away, but she can't  
-he would have finished the act but her mom comes home.  
-she should see the signs but she is oblivious  
-maybe in a bit of denial.  
-Kagome attempts to run away again.  
-Naraku beats her within an inch of her life, she has to go to the hospital.

* * *

**NO WAY OUT--4**

-Sesshoumaru comes to see her.  
-he is very angry.  
-he takes it a little bit out on her, by being abrupt with her.  
-She is very broken, to the aggressive behavior of men.  
-Sesshoumaru is not as dense as Kagome's mother... he sees the warning signs, and has a pretty good idea of what is going on.  
-Kagome still refuses to tell him.  
-she has decided she likes him and doesn't want him to know what Naraku almost did. She is ashamed.  
-Kagome begins to get better, and it is almost time for her to come home from the hospital.   
-Inuyasha comes to see her, and brings Kikyou  
-He is embarrassed that he avoided her the way he did. He has worked through his feelings and still loved Kikyou.  
-Kagome tells them in passing that her "family" is coming to take her home next week.  
-Inuyasha casually mentions it to Sesshoumaru.  
-he still doesn't even know that the two know each other. -Sessh comes to hospital.  
-Kagome denies any problems at home (Yet again.)  
-sessh does not believe her but stays to visit.  
-notices her tense when Naraku arrives.

* * *

**BACK HOME--5**

-Naraku doesn't like that Sessh is visiting Kagome.  
-jealous when they get home he attacks her for it.  
-Kagome's mom is really in denial.  
-He is seconds away from raping her (again)  
-Sesshoumaru comes to her rescue.  
-they leave together.  
-Naraku is pissed, and a little worse for the wear in his confrontation with sessh.  
-comes up with a whack story, and calls the police on Sesshoumaru.  
-Sesshoumaru takes care of Kagome.  
_-he tells her it's not her fault_  
_-he promises no one will hurt her anymore._  
-The police show up  
-they want to arrest Sessh.  
-Kagome is still afraid to talk.  
-the police want to take Sessh and send Kagome home.  
-Kagome starts crying even harder than she had been when the police tell her this news (that was supposed to cheer her up)  
-"Look in her in the eyes and tell me I'm the one she's afraid of."

* * *

**YOU CAN'T SAVE ME--6**

-Kagome runs over to Sesshoumaru, clinging to him.  
-he tells her it's all right  
-the police ultimately take them both in for questioning.  
_-Kagome is very scared, and won't tell police anything_  
-Sesshoumaru tells his side, and what he knows of Kagome's in explicit detail.  
-Kagome talks to the police psychologist.  
-he agrees that Sessh's story seems more likely than Naraku's  
**-Sessh is charged with assault on Naraku anyway, but is still released into his fathers custody 'til trial (his father is a lawyer)**  
-Kagome stays in the custody of the police until they decide what to do with her.  
-Kagome's "Parents" start demanding she be returned to them.  
-Detective warn that if she alleges nothing against them she will be returned to them.  
-She looks him in the eye "You can't help me, so don't pretend you can."

* * *

** THE CHILD IS GONE--7**

-Kagome goes home with Naraku.  
-detective has a hard time sleeping that night.  
-goes to talk to Sessh.  
-Sessh relives experience  
-Detective tells sessh she is home.  
-sessh gets angry. "He's going to kill her." "Why couldn't you just let me protect her; You obviously can't."  
-Naraku wastes no time.  
_-Kagome's mother finds a voice._ -Naraku beats her unconscious.  
-Kagome tries to get away.  
_-Naraku catches her in the front yard.  
-Pins her to the ground.  
-beats her to submission.  
-(again with the rape attempts (is this getting old?))_  
-Sesshoumaru arrives, Detective hot on his tail (to stop him from doing anything "stupid")  
-Sesshoumaru _gets out of his car and_ sees the scene that is taking place.  
-Naraku pulls a knife out and puts it to Kagome's throat. "You just stand there and watch."  
-Detective pulls up.  
-Argument ensues.  
-Detective shoots Naraku.  
-fails to incapacitate him.  
-shoots to kill.

* * *

** Happiness--8**

-Kagome goes into therapy.  
_ (for obvious reasons) a little sensitive about sex._  
-scarred physically as well as emotionally.  
-Kagome's mother is not dead... in a state of financial distress.  
-Sesshoumaru tells her he loves her.  
-rather emotional issue ensues.  
-struggle with emotions, therapy, memories, drugs (happy pills).

* * *

** SHIMMER--9**

-Kagome tells him she loves him too.  
-lots of fluff... _Coming to terms with her body... removal of shame from sex... feeling beautiful again..._ hope.

* * *

**Section 2-- Deleted Scenes**

* * *

**Chapter Five: Scene Four:**

The police officer in the heavily starched blue shirt sat across from him and took yet another sip of coffee. He was writing again and Naraku was beginning to lose his temper. 

"Do you intend to do nothing?"Naraku voiced suddenly a heavy threat in his voice. 

"Certainly not, sir..."the officer replied distractedly as he continued to write in his little notebook. "I'm just trying to get all the facts." 

"Well, I have told you everything I know... He has our daughter you know...?" 

"Yes, and your sure she's there against her will?" 

"look at me!"Naraku stood, his patience gone. "Look at my nose! You think I did this to myself? What are you waiting for?"He shouted suddenly grabbing hold of the notebook and causing the officer to meet his eyes. 

"Fine sir. Someone will go check him out." 

"Someone had better!"

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Scene Two:**

He was writing a term paper, on ridicuoslly difficult subject matter and he was still giving it only half of his attention. _'I used to be able to this without any trouble'_ he thought with only a halfhearted disgust 'Why does Kagome own such a huge part of my life, when she's no longer in it?' Sesshoumaru heaved a defeated sigh as he dropped his pen in frustrastion. The sentence he had just written stirred up some random memory of Kagome that he had been unable to bury. 

"Damn it" Sesshoumaru chastised himself. All along he knew he was being foolish, but now he had shut himself off from that path, and assured himself that he had no remorse for doing so. He didn't appreciate being made the fool, and he refused to be made one twice. 

'_I decided those feelings on a whim, and then brashly admitted them, leaving myself exposed for ridicule, or dissappointment.'_ He turbned his head away from the discarded pen, and picked up his coat, determined to find at least one activity that didn't haunt him with the happy memories he loathed '_I was wrong all along for having done so, and There will be no next time.'_

His hand was already gripping the cold knob when the telephone rang. Despite himself he felt his heart skip a beat... '_This time, it's her for sure; this call will be the one._'

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Scene Four:**

It was raining again, ice cold, freedom dripped through the hole in her collar sticking the material fast to her back like wallpaper paste. Frenzied, and all consuming, Kagome knew, the rain could hide her from her worries, could wash away her pain... for a while.

Breifly, she parted her eyes slightly against the insistent downpour letting the water get into her eyes and burn and sting not even wiping them to hurry a relief. She was watching the headlights of a car turning down her street. At the corner she could see their rain dimmed beams shining like a becon of hope, that hollow hope in her stomach she got every time a car drove by. But this time the car would contain him... Sesshoumaru, would finally be here to take her away.

* * *

**Section Three-- Character and Plot analysis**  
_Aka the Director's Commentary_

From the time I first wrote out the outline until I wrote the last words of the story in my mind I knew I was telling a tale. The characters don't share my views, the things that happen with love or life or any given situation were not my ideal occurences. This story was not meant to be my refuge to utopia. My characters were flawed, my plot line disturbing, my resoulution tinted with tragedy. Below are my real thoughts, on the situations in my story.

* * *

**Main Characters

* * *

Thoughts on Kagome:  
**Kagome in this storyline has obtained a couple of undesirable psychological issues due to the events of the story: particularly and most importantly her father complex. This becomes very evident throughout the events of the story as she begins to rely heavily on the first male character that shows her any interest. Because of her lack of a positive male role model and her increasing need for a strong support and protection she begins to latch on and rely on Sesshoumaru to protect and care for her... this is a twisted psychological dependence wrongly thought of as love.

**Kagome's Actions:**  
As an abuse victim Kagome is pretty typical, she takes a good deal of blame on herself, and spends much of the her time trying to hide the abuse that both humilates and controls her. Her actions toward Naraku are one's of both caution and confusion. Kagome flees the abuse rather than facing it, which emotionally is a mistake, although as far as her physical well being goes it was probably a good idea. But as far as closure goes, Kagome still has a long road ahead of her. There has been no symbolic act to restore her place as the controller of her own life, which will leave her weak and in need of some sense of outer control now that the abuser has been removed.

**Kagome's feelings:**Kagome is very confused emotionally, she wants security and protection, which all this time she has found from Sesshoumaru, which leaves her with a false sense of dependance on him. She feels safe with him and dependant on him and though they have nothing really in common she misconstrues these feelings for love.

**Kagome's ending:**  
Kagomes ending is profoundly abrupt and unresolved, almost offensively to people with sense. She announces that she loves this man and that they will be happy together for a long time, though this prophecy is naive at best. It does not take much to feel the problem from the get-go... what would a relationship between these two hold? Very little... nothing. They are bonded only by sharing opposite sides of the same tragedy, they have no other shared likes or dislikes (that we know of) and they seem to have no other basis for a relationship. Driven together by tragedy, Kagome need not even add the rest of her emotional baggage to the equation before it begins to sag under the weight. This is a doomed pairing. 

**Thoughts on Sesshoumaru:**  
Sadly Sesshoumaru's character lacks a certain dimension about himself. The story serves to show the parts of his life such as family, school and even to an extent his feelings about these things, but never does it talk too deeply about Sesshoumaru's hobbies or pastimes, the things that a relationship is essentialily built on likenesses and likemindedness. Sesshoumaru is strong in body, mind and will. He is a little obsessed with this girl who is associated with his brother with whom he has rivalry, he get's entangled in her innocent needs protecting cycle, and viola a semi-relationship is formed. His desire to protect her and the feelings that he gets when he is sure he has kept her safe may have been misconstrued as love... or maybe he just became attached and a little obsessed with her and never really possessed any concept of what love is. 

**Sesshoumaru's Actions:**  
Sesshoumaru acts as a protector to Kagome, who in her abused mind has become so powerless to almost be even more childlike and naive than she already was at 15. This places him immediatly in the father figure catagory, protector, provider, caregiver... a dangerous postion for a girl who is feeling out of control and desperate for love. And when he comes to the final rescue rather than Kagome being able to rise and rescue herself he seals his fate as the dominant force that Kagome can cling to when she can not get control of her own life again. His actions are _heroic_ not to be confused with _romantic_. 

**Sesshoumaru's Thoughts:**  
Right away inside Sesshoumaru's mind you can see his obsession with Kagome bloom and grow. He does not think of her in terms of a person, but in terms of an ideal or a situation. When he first meets her he thinks of her only as his brother's "friend" someone to hate by proximity... but then he immidiately switches gears to thinking about her problems. It never occurs to him in his mind to address her as an individual person, like what sort of a student Kagome is, what bands she listens to, what things she likes to do in her spare time when she is not passed out and needing his care and protection. He feels possesive and protective of her sure, but that does not mean that he values her opinion or even her time... which they did not spend too much of together, at least not when both of them were conscious. 

**Sesshoumaru's ending:**  
Sesshoumaru probably would have come out better had he agreed to be friends with Kagome when she asked rather than trying to force her as a love in his mind... the tragedy that surrounded them made them cling to eachother without giving so much as a second thought to similarites... by all rights their friendship likely would have dwindled and dissipated after only a short time once they realized they knew next to nothing about eachother... but who knows maybe they have loads in common... wouldn't it have been nice if they had taken the time to find out?

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**Secondary Characters:

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Thoughts on Kagome's Mother:**  
Now Kagome's mother got a lot of bad press in the review section of this story, and I felt that was just not fair, really. She may not be a strong person, but she was doing the best with what she had. Psychologically, she was probably in a good deal of denial and even beyond that there was no real indication that there was anything wrong... and inside in the end a lot of blame weighed heavily on her. 

**Mama's Actions**  
A lot of readers became enraged at Mama's inactions in the story. The things she didn't do and didn't say seemed to come down on her like a crime... I was a little shocked at first at the amount of outrage I saw towards her... but than again she was supposed to be Kagome's most trusted protector and she not only put her in danger but waxed oblivious... she even took Naraku's smooth talking side time and time again. This is sadly, not uncommon for the spouse of an abuser, and is often a result of denial. 

**Mama's denial**  
A lot of the things that seemed to go on right under mama's nose, and seemed so painfully obvious to us, were not necessarilly so cut and dry to her. Imagine the man you love... insert dream guy here, you chose him and you are willing to accept a certain amount of faults but there is no way that you can even imagine him capable of the level of things her husband was engaged in. It is only natural for her mind to reject the notion, because it is too hard a thing to accept even when all fingers are pointing at him, which in this case they just weren't. Naraku is a smooth talker, he told a tale that no one refuted and she was only too glad to believe because the tales he spun were alot easier to swallow than any version of the truth. 

**Mama's ending**  
I'm quite pleased with Mama's ending she came out on top as far as I am concerned. She is still dealing with psychological issues and probably a unhealthy dose of denial when we last see her, but she has made a bigger step than Kagome is yet to make, she has faced her attacker. A commonly missunderstood section (poorly written I fear) is Mrs. Higurashi's jumbled mind after Naraku beats her for trying to defend Kagome... this is why she is in the hospital, she got a little piece of redemption but none too many took notice. Of course she is still her agrivating self at the end of the story, but she did make a step in the right direction. 

**Thoughts on Naraku:**  
A lot of people mistake Naraku as a pervert or a pedophile, but it's just not so. He is a control freak that uses sex as a means of punishment fear, humilitaion and control. He is excerting a sort of power over Kagome by his repeated attempts to sexually assault her... along with the violence comes the element of control. 

**Naraku's Actions:**  
Naraku is an actor. He controls every sitiuation he gets into without much concern. He wants to control Kagome, probably because not being able to break her spirit would make him feel weak somehow. There is probably something from his childhood that made him go wrong, and he probably murdered small animals and tortured his fellow students as a kid. Kagome is no doubt not the first or last person he has tried to control completely. 

**Naraku's thinking:**  
Possibly Naraku was threatened by Kagome's free spirit, by her mother's love for her, or maybe he just wanted ultimate domination as soon as possible. Either way he saw Kagome as somthing he needed to push down and keep down, and her constant bids for safety were no doubt enraging. In fact I think that nothing risked Kagome's life more than the humilation that Naraku suffered at the hands of Sesshoumaru... an abuser does not like to be made to feel small, and he will immediately thwart someone weaker than him to feel big again. Sesshoumaru may have been the white knight, but he left Kagome in grave danger when the police returned her home. 

**Naraku's ending:**  
Many were dissappointed I did not kill off Naraku... I thought though that a vegetable was a more suitable end... alive and in constant pain with no control over anything (not even his bladder) seems karmically sound... but maybe that's me. 

**Thoughts on Inuyasha and Kikyou:**  
Inuyasha and Kikyou though going through bizare circumstances actually end up with the healthiest relationship in the story. They have a love you can feel good about even as the wariness about the sesshoumaru and Kagome match sets in. They love eachother, but more importantly they like eachother, the mention characteristics and anecdotes and things that get on eachoter's nerves... they have an actual relationship... these two characters end up being pretty minor, but I think their presence also serves as an example of what is wrong with the main couple's relationship.

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**Sneak peak: Rebellion**

**Chapter 1: Sesshoumaru**

The most appalling thing about Kagome was her hair, or lack thereof. This was as a result of the manic fit last week during which she proceeded to take a bathroom razor and try to shave it all off. The fact that she only finished half the job would encourage most people to have it professionally finished, or at the very least fixed, but in Kagome's case this neither needed to or apparantly was going to happen. For some reason, there was nothing more appalling to Sesshoumaru's delicate sensibilites than a half shaved head. 

A week after proclaiming he loved her, Sesshoumaru began to quietly hate his _girlfriend_, and roughly a month after that the volume began to slowly go up and up on the inner conflict, until every once and a while their relationship would just explode into what happened last week, and then the cycle would begin to repeat itself. The problem was, that neither of them really _liked_ the other. They had very little (if anything) in common, sex was a stressful and often avoided issue, and they only seemed to speak to eachother when arguing. But they begrudgingly loved eachother, and after a year of living together, felt stuck in the pattern so tightly neither even bothered to ponder a way out. 

After a fight she would fall apart, and he would help pick up the pieces... this is the only time they seemed semi-happy in their relationship together. Sometimes Sesshoumaru found himself starting fights with her just to get to this point, because he could think of no other way to interact anymore. 


End file.
